Milking men
I was chatting with a co-worker of mine, and as girl talk goes we started talking about our personal lives and the men who are a part of them. This is the part where I start wondering if I am a space alien. You know that part where other women tell you what men have bought for them and you wonder if you are either doing something very wrong, not pretty enough, or from another planet. Don’t get me wrong, I love gifts–what girl doesn’t–but as a dating requirement?
My problem has never been with the giving or receiving of gifts. I enjoy giving gifts and I’m pretty sure that all of my favorite jewelry was either a gift or a family heirloom. My favorite toys are certainly my favorite because they carry a particular attachment to someone who gave them to me, or in some cases made them for me. No, no, my problem is with the expectation that this is an arrangement in which men get sex and women get stuff.
Women enjoy sex. Believe it or not, my payment for a hot scene is, in fact, a hot scene. Like every other person, I have likes and dislikes. There are plenty of things that I don’t think are hot that I do at work because I have bills to pay like everyone else. There are also plenty of things that I have driven through 400km of mountain roads with a chicken on my lap and no air conditioning in the fucking jungle to do on my day off. And being human, there are things I thought were gross till I did them and discovered they are in fact hot. But the bottom line is that when I go on a date I am looking for sexual gratification, not a new car.
Of course this is all well and good, but what about the gray areas? What if I tell you to go out and buy me a toy that scares you, but is not quite a hard limit? I don’t care what it is: maybe you’re into dressing up as a cat and you’ll come back with a spritzy bottle full of water, maybe you’ll come back with a knife or a cane or a bag of clothes pins. The point isn’t I want stuff, the point is I want to know what you bring back. What is that scary thing you really want done to you but wouldn’t admit to except that you really wanted to please me with this assignment. Different right? Or maybe it isn’t? Maybe it’s just another way of saying “give me stuff.” What do you think?
Filed under: community, headspace, personal, topping, work | 3 Comments
It all depends on context I suppose.
I once met someone who would only meet me on the conidion that I bought a kinky toy as a gift for her first. When I gave it to her she said “thanks I’m sure my future submissive will enjoy this”. Because of that and other similar experiences I really can’t imagine buying anyone anything ever again unless she and I had some sort of relationship…play or otherwise.
I suppose my tastes have changed as well. I know now that I probably wouldn’t enjoy playing with someone who didn’t have the same desire for it as I have.
I guess if giving someone my body as a gift isn’t good enough, I’m pretty much screwed anyway hehe.
In general, the act of giving and receiving gifts is something that I’m uncomfortable with. Holidays and birthdays are somewhat unpleasant because of that. However, the idea of toy giving as a scene element seems interesting, and I suspect wouldn’t bother me nearly as much. But I need to view them as separate things, and the scene one feels more analogous to making people say what they want.
axe – sounds vaguely unpleasant. Or at least like she was being Dom’ish in a way I don’t find very attractive.
In my situation, gifts are given BECAUSE of the relationship, not in anticipation of a relationship or as a requirement to begin one.
Gifts are an extension of the emotional value (or even physical value) of the relationship I have with my play partners, and because of that are a reflection of that relationship and the people in it.
Without that, gifts are just financial transactions, in my opinion.