Orgasm Control Through Trial and Error: Q&A
Recently, Wanderingpirate asked “What influence, if any, has controlling other peoples’ orgasms had on the way you relate to your own?” via Twitter.
My first thought was “it doesn’t,” but as I thought about it further I realized that actually, while there isn’t a direct impact there were several indirect ways in which orgasm control impacts the kind of sex I have, and can have, and therefore my orgasms.
Beyond the very obvious of “penetrative sex isn’t possible,” is the more nuanced “penetrative sex is totally doable but what is the cost/benefit analysis.” There is the perceived hassle of unlocking my partner (actually this is pretty trivial, it just feels like a barrier to entry) as well as the trade off between watching him edge and maybe come today, and getting him to be even more horny tomorrow. I adore watching my partner ask, beg, bargain and attempt to persuade me into an orgasm. Truth is, the hornier and more desperate he gets, the more I get turned on. In addition to the trade-off exercise above, this changes the way I have sex in another way. I get more focused on my partner, and on getting him closer to his edge; by extension I spend less time focused on my own orgasms and ways to achieve them.
Finally, and most surprisingly to me, I am more randy when my partner is locked up. I want more sex, more naked time, more opportunities to trace the rubber coated lock and hard plastic shell around his dick. I also want to fuck him. Strap-on play is something I enjoy in the same way I enjoy giving blowjobs; it’s something nice to do for my partner, I like to see the reactions, it’s fun, and at times novel. But there have been a couple of times (as in two) when I’ve seriously craved strap-on sex. Both times it was when my partner was locked up…I’m not sure what that’s about, maybe the control, maybe the fact that this turns him on like there’s no tomorrow, but either way, I think the sex I have when my partner is locked up is more intense, more intentional, and perhaps a little more rough. I’d love to hear his perspective on this!