Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

10 Best things about being kinky

No, this is not actual content, but it is a fun exercise. Actually this is an idea I stole from another blog, Down On My Knees. You can check out his list here. And if you get the chance, please add your own favorite thing about being kinky in the comments section.

  1. Community – The power and love I’ve felt playing in my community is like no other. We might not like the same things but there is common ground in deviance. Also, I love knowing that there is a history to what I do; that there were people who did this before me and they left a path to follow.
  2. Transcendence – In yoga we talk about finding the edge, and then finding sweetness and joy in the pain. We do the deep physical work so that we can touch upon the deep emotional work that needs to be done. I find peace in chaos and pain, and there is nothing quite as zen as a very heavy scene. (And of course everyone’s edge is different, and everyone’s definition of “heavy” is different.)
  3. Freedom — There is power in naming. There is a lot of freedom that comes with fundamentally believing that you have a right to pleasure, and pursuing that without excuses, without guilt, and without fear. We live in a world full of taboos and constrictive social mores, being kinky, or being openly kinky at least, requires us to first do the often difficult work of breaking free of those taboos.
  4. Communication – Sex is not a secret; it is not something to hide, and do in shame. If you can not talk about it you should not be doing it. I love the fact that the people I meet in the kink community talk about sex, they talk about desire, limits, wants, and needs. I find this to be extremely valuable.
  5. People – I have met some of the most interesting people through kink circles. Maybe this is just about the parties I’ve had the privilege of attending, but there are few other places where I could find such a high concentration of interesting, creative, and outgoing people. (Take over educated, over paid creatives, mix in a few techies, add whips and chains, sprinkle with a really well chosen selection of music, and stir until Italian existentialist porn emerges.)
  6. Connection – This is a whole new level on which I can interact with a partner. Kink adds a whole new layer of intimacy, sharing, and trust to relationships. It also creates a new paradigm for interpersonal interactions. Kink can be an expression of sexuality that doesn’t actually involve intercourse, and it is a context in which boinking strangers is a lot more acceptable than in the vanilla world.
  7. Fantasies – Well, the fact that I get to act out my fantasies rather than hiding them away. I get to do things other people only read about and that is something I think is really damn cool.
  8. An investment in my orgasms – This may be a strange perversion all it’s own, but I like being able to lay down hard earned money for something that serves no purpose other than to get me off. I get off on having my credit card people know about it, and I feel like this somehow prioritizes my sex life a little higher. And boy oh boy does kink come with some high end gadgets.
  9. Shoes – This is a natural progression from number eight, but I just thought I should point out that I have a thing for shoes, especially for the negative space between the heel and the ball of the foot. If I am going to wear six inch heels I would really like to have someone around who is going to appreciate that, and perhaps kiss my feet.
  10. Passion – I was having a hard time coming up with a tenth thing for this list so I took a little break and read kink blogs for a while. I am amazed by how passionate they seem. I am amazed by the community I am a part of and by the people who day after day lay their cards on the table and fess up to those dirty dark secrets. I am awed by the passion, boldness and spirit that I see in the kink community. These are people who make the decision over and over again that their desires, their wants, and their needs are worth pursuing political careers be damned.

Written by kinkinexile

July 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm

Posted in fun stuff, personal

2 Responses

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  1. When I do those lists I always hope I’ll find that others were inspired to do something similar so running across this was a real treat.

    Passion has certainly proven to be one of the deepest, best rewards for me.

    Richard Evans Lee

    July 17, 2007 at 9:21 pm

  2. […] 10 Best things about being kinky […]


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