Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad


He is leaning forward just a little, grasping the mantle.  I’m not hitting very hard, but I am starting to feel the weight of the flogger in my shoulder; later I expect a massage.  The flogger has little metal rings woven through the leather, and they leave a collage of tiny red crescents on his back.  The rings jingle and make me think of Christmas.  He tenses his back at the sound and I wait for him to relax before delivering the blow; quick, and sharp before he has a chance to respond to the telltale jingle.

She is lying on my bed as I test the candle on the inside of my wrist like an over protective mother warming her first bottle.  We are young and dumb, but we have the good sense to do our research.  We have the benefit of the internet too, and so armed with normal, white, unscented household candles and the knowledge that my mother will not be home for days we take our first stab at this kinky sex business.  All the cool kids are doing it. 

Years later there is another girl, this time she is laid out in a dungeon.  No longer scared or tentative, I still test the temperature of the candles on the inside of my wrist.  I know she can take the heat, and so I focus on pushing her mind.  She is sassy, and I love it, but I admonish her none the less.  I ask her for the things I know she doesn’t want to give and wonder if I’m not making a mistake.  But I have learned since those first few steps that sometimes you have to give them what they hate to keep them coming back.

Written by kinkinexile

July 19, 2007 at 8:50 am

3 Responses

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  1. Take and take, and take some more. And when I’m done giving, steal. 🙂

    Nice post.


    July 19, 2007 at 9:48 pm

  2. I think I sort of agree with you now, about doing things that you don’t like. I’m still not sure how to talk about it, and I still think about it differently than you do. Maybe I do like to be made to do things that I hate, but I didn’t really think about it much before now. I see it as kind of a subbish thing – the intriguing thing about that whole thing is of course the power dynamic, the whole battle of wills sort of thing.

    I used to have these fairly strong fantasies about being forced to do things against my will – something I had forgotten until just now. It’s a powerful fantasy, but I saw submissive being more often represented as getting a rush out of submitting, rather than getting a rush out of being “forced” to give in. Anyway, as a result I think I just started identifying as a Bottom, Not A Sub, mostly because I wasn’t that sort of sub, and that was the primary definition I saw around me. I think I’m wrong in labelling strongly like that – it’s far more complicated than a simple label.

    The other part of what I find exciting about being “made” to do what I don’t like, or what I think I don’t like, is that it gives me the opportunity to be surprised. That’s something that really draws me to kink, and which I find incredibly exciting, is that sense of exploration and discovery, that my top could show me things about myself I never thought about before. I’m not sure if that’s something that’s as easy to come by in vanilla life.

    Anyway, just some scattered thoughts….


    July 26, 2007 at 1:35 am

  3. There seem to be a lot of different theories on why people like to be “forced” into things. Nancy Friday for example puts it forth as a way of getting permission and alleviating guilt. However, I definitely think of it as being a thrill in and of itself regardless of guilt. What you said about being surprised is definitely part of it; could it be also seeing how far you can go and where your fear lies?

    Regarding identifying as a sub, yes, the lack of good healthy non-codependent examples of d/s dynamics is something that I find very hard to deal with. It’s difficult for me to figure out what I want without examples. I end up with a long list of what I don’t want, but no closer to a picture of what I want. Although I am meeting more and more people who seem to have the balance between being responsible adults and being in a d/s relationship down, which is very gratifying to see.


    August 2, 2007 at 4:40 am

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