Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

What do you wear?

I sat down to write a post about playing in blue jeans, but I’m actually more curious about how other people related to fashion in the scene.

Certainly there are things that are iconic – black leather, PVC, corsets, collars – but how do they actually affect your play?  Do they change your scene experience?  Does putting on fetish-wear change your headspace?  Does seeing your partner in leather pants trigger a different set of responses than the little black dress?

Personally I own four custom made corsets, but I’ve been known to wear them with jeans and no make-up just as often as part of a full out fetish outfit.  I like dressing up, I like playing on collective memory and triggering all those lovely subconscious associations we harbor.  But more than that, I love breaking the rules, and for better or worse I have gotten the impression that “thou shalt not play in daywear” is one of the rules.

So tell me, just between us girls, when you play what do you wear?  How does it make you feel?

Written by kinkinexile

July 23, 2007 at 3:09 pm

Posted in Beauty, headspace, personal

6 Responses

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  1. Hello!
    (Been reading for a while, haven’t dropped a line yet. May sent me over, and I’m glad to know that one night at our potluck is not the last I’ll ever hear from you.)

    Although I also own corsets and a fair amount of leather, I also tend to play and dress in everyday clothing. In much the way you described, I love wearing my corsets with jeans or my leather boots with simple sundresses. It’s rare that I will actually dress up at all any more, and my standard ‘going-out’ wear has been jeans and a tank top for years.
    I like the confidence and sexiness of mixing well worn, comfortable favorites with exciting or overtly kinky pieces, which can then reflect the way I like to play; comfortably and with a sense of both sex and fun.
    But then, I also value the ability and inclination to plan no matter what I’m wearing, from pajamas to a bathing suit to nothing at all. I like that BDSM is a constant of my life and doesn’t need to exist within a narrow time zone of when I’m wearing leather.

    I like seeing my partners dressed up because it’s a fun way to objectify them. Having May wear nice clothes especially for me is sexy, and keeps me aware of him in a kinky sense. But then, I prefer boys in buttondowns and denim to boys in leather pants and vests.


    July 23, 2007 at 3:31 pm

  2. Even though I’m not (always) a girl, can I play too? 🙂

    I think the clothing is more for your own state of mind. It took me a long time to realize that what I wear can affect how I feel. I still refuse to believe, however, that what I wear has a greater impact on someone else than how I act.

    You can be just as dominant in a pair of khakis and a t-shirt as you can in a pair of leather pants and a corset. Likewise, I can feel just as submissive in a James Bond outfit as I can naked. It’s all about tone of voice, body language, that look in your eyes. Clothing informs my emotions; it doesn’t create them.

    That being said, if you want to play the part of an innocent little tease and you put your hair in pony tails and put on a tight white button-down shirt, the clothing would certainly actentuate the attitude. =)


    July 23, 2007 at 9:23 pm

  3. fluffy skirts, lipstick, bloomers, knee socks. Anything to make me look younger, so it can be a trick – so I look adorable while I laugh at them begging me.


    July 24, 2007 at 8:12 am

  4. Whatever I want! 🙂

    I wear things that make me feel cool or sexy. Sometimes this is very traditional PVC and other times it’s a shiny tank top. I was going to say that I would also wear a fuzzy velvet shirt and jeans, but to be honest I just haven’t really ever done that if I’m going to a play party. I think I’m influenced by social norms more than you are.

    When I’m feeling more confident and extroverted, I’m more willing to wear things which are more exposing. When I’m feeling less confident, though, I go clothing that’s less revealing.

    I also have been thinking about style, and how I want to look distinctive, rather than in Fetish Outfit #3. I think part of that means that I tend to buy things piecemeal and pair them up in different ways, rather than buying set outfits.


    July 26, 2007 at 1:02 am

  5. Well, I’m not a girl but….

    it depends on mood and objective. If it’s a military scene, I will wear BDU’s or a dress uniform. If I’m going for humiliation, I might wear something “preppie” just to make her feel even more awkward. Suits make me feel like a “daddy”. Jeans and a black t-shirt make me feel dark. My long leather trenchcoat makes me feel evil. Regular combat boots are for corporal scenes, while the 20-eye Doctor Marten’s are for mental scenes. Chaps and jeans make me feel vicious, while chaps alone is just kinky and makes me hornier.

    For my girl, I like to make little girl outfits for her. She gets something new to wear and feels special because I made it by hand, and I get to be creative in designing it and get to design something that will arouse and excite me.

    I do, however, like all kinds of outfits…they can help set my mood for the scene.


    August 18, 2007 at 3:37 pm

  6. I usually wear something like jeans and some kind of slightly formal shirt, something in black. Or sometimes I wear jeans and this shirt. (It seems to go over well at the club.)

    Although in normal life I am a persistent tennis shoe or athletic sandal wearer, at the club I often wear some variation of stocky mary janes. Or, in winter, suede/fleece boots. Something a bit more dressed up than usual.

    (Yes, I am so much of a slob that this qualifies as being dressed up.)

    Sometimes I wear a skirt. I like this because it lets Joscelin stroke and caress my legs when he kneels at my feet. But I only wear one skirt and I usually don’t wear it.

    I only dress up at all (as described here) if we go to the local bdsm club. The rest of the time I don’t care if I’m wearing shorts, pajamas, or nothing at all. If Jos has preferences he doesn’t articulate them.

    I love this blog, btw. I blogrolled you.


    August 19, 2007 at 2:54 am

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