Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

You’re not alone

Welcome to the net generation 🙂

One of my favorite wordpress features is the ability to see what terms people google to end up at my blog.  Did you catch the use of the word “google” as a verb there?  Anyway, I find it fascinating because it gives me a window to the secrets people keep between themselves and the World Wide Web.

One of the kink experiences which a lot of people I know describe and which I think will become less and less common is feeling like you are the only one.  I admit there was a time when I thought that I would never find the kinky people in real life, but I never had the feeling of being alone and broken.  I had the internet.

I wonder sometimes if I would have been kinky without the internet.  I know I’ve said before that I was born this way, and I believe that wholeheartedly, but what would I have done about it.  Sure, if I was very lucky I would have met the right people, or found the right magazines, but what if I wasn’t so lucky?

For those of you who were kinky before the internet what did it look like?  When and how did you get the language to talk about it and with whom did you talk about it?  How did being kinky feel before you had the words or the context to describe it?

Written by kinkinexile

August 17, 2007 at 4:11 pm

Posted in community, headspace

4 Responses

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  1. Today, people found my blog googling on
    “bitches who lock men in chastity”
    “relieving hard cocks”
    “male orgasm femdom control”

    It’s been a slow week.

    Tom Allen

    August 17, 2007 at 9:20 pm

  2. The only thing people have ever found my blog from is “like to be blindfolded.” Heh.

    I was born in 1974, so for me, the Internet started in college, but the Web took a lot longer. In college, I played on a MUD (text-based multiplayer rpg-type game). I had online sex with people I met there. One of them was a Dutch guy who stealthily introduced me to S&M, which fit instantly and deeply into my sexuality. He visited me for 3 weeks in Houston, and I visited him for 3 months (the maximum length of a tourist visa) in the Netherlands.

    Being as I don’t go out or ever meet people, I would never have found the local scene without the web. I got on some Yahoo groups and a guy offered to take me (as a friend) and that’s how I got into this whole crazy mess. And since then I have of course used the web to learn more about all of it, and how to mentally process it, and all that good stuff.

    Thank the FSM for the Internet. I don’t know what I’d do without it.


    August 19, 2007 at 2:26 am

  3. I’m 22 and I grew up with the internet.
    At 15 I was having IM conversations about bondage and knifeplay.
    Although I don’t think I wouldn’t have found out about kink without it, the WWW has allowed me to find out about wildly different shades and flavors of kink that I never would have been in touch with otherwise. My inmersion in kink information has expanded to the point where I would love to study fetishes and sexual deviation around the world, just because it’s has such a wide range.

    Also, the internet is an unending source for play partners, if you do it right. One of my favorite boytoys came about through IM conversations. We’ve only met three times but we have developed enough fantasies to keep up busy through the cold, cold nights.


    August 24, 2007 at 3:25 pm

  4. I was always fairly open about sexuality, I think in some subcultures the 80s it was seen as a bit weird to not be into S&M, if anything. Strangely, though, as I’ve been able to be more open about my interests online, I’ve found it more difficult to express my interests to my real world friends. Perhaps that’s the downside, that before the internet you had to do everything for real, build up a community where you are, rather than comfort yourself with people who you can communicate with more readily, but might never see.

    I think the main difference for me is that before the internet, I thought of myself as someone who was into BDSM, but interested in hypnosis roleplay as a sideline. After I discovered this was something a lot of other people were interested in as well, I find it easier to say I have a hypnosis fetish up front, and that I’m also interested in other aspects of BDSM as a sideline.


    September 7, 2007 at 1:18 pm

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