Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Safest place I’ve ever been

We talk about safety in a lot of different ways when we talk about kink. There is the party line; safe, sane and consensual. There are the various risks involved with various activities. And of course there is emotional safety. This latter one is the aspect of scene safety that I wanted to talk about.

The safest I’ve ever felt was while bottoming in a heavy scene. To some degree this is of course because I had already established the level of trust needed for the scene. However, even more so this was because there is a contract inherent in that kind of scene – you can scare me, you can make me cry, you can make me bleed, but you have to put me back together in the end. I don’t just feel safe when I bottom, I feel protected.

Normally I am a very independent and self reliant person. That said, I’m certain that if I ever needed someone else to take care of me I have friends who would step in and make things work, but the only time that someone else is actually responsible for my well being is when I’m bottoming to them. This isn’t just a responsibility I assume they will pick up, or something I expect of my tops, but it is something they specifically agree too, something I ask for and negotiate if I’m going to be playing that hard. Negotiate your after care, that’s my advice. I once safe-worded out of a scene that really had been too much; however, I remember that scene very fondly largely because I was playing with a very caring and responsible top who knew how to put me back together again.

Maybe I’ve just been lucky, maybe it’s because I stress the need for communication as much as I do, but the only regret I’ve ever had about a scene is that I didn’t play harder.

Written by kinkinexile

October 12, 2007 at 4:47 am

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