Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad


So it seems rape is the subject dejour in the blogosphere and I’m jumping on the band wagon. Calico explored the idea that “a whore can’t be raped, only cheated.” And then Eileen talked about the politics of rape fantasies. Both posts are very well written and I recommend you go and take a look for yourself. This is cross-posted from my personal journal.

I live in a particularly fucked up place on a generally fucked up planet. I am surrounded by women who are more scared than any western woman I have ever met. They don’t walk alone, don’t sit with men, don’t wear tanktops, don’t drink in public. This is the virgin/whore paradigm taken to the nth degree – we are virgins and the whore should rightfully get raped.

I mentioned to a friend the other day that being sex positive in a culture where rape is so common was getting hard. He told me being sex positive was “extremely risky.” You know what, it is, but that is not what I needed to hear. As Calico pointed out, I am not empowered because I didn’t get raped. Rape is not ok, why is this a question?

Not getting raped should not be a full time job and I am sick and fucking tired of it being just that.

Being a good girl does not protect you from being raped.

Walking in pairs does not protect you from being raped.

Saying no to a drink does not protect you from being raped.

Wearing a burqa does not protect you from being raped.

I am done with the fallacy that a woman can protect herself from rape by wearing the right clothes, and seeing the right boys, and never walking the streets alone at night. Not only is this simply not true but it trivializes the experiences of women who do not fit neatly into the virgin column.

And there is another point I’d like to state loud and clear: not all men are rapists, not all women are safe, lesbian violence does happen and if you think it doesn’t we need to have a chat.

I do not deserve to get raped. I did not ask for it. Pay attention because this one is important – sex is a good thing, and good sex does not lead to rape.

And if you think this isn’t your problem because you’re male you’re wrong. Do you realize the impact on your sex life? Do you realize the affect that a woman in America getting raped every 2 minutes has on the woman you’re dating? Do you really think men can’t get raped? Do you really think that your sex life can be as fulfilling as possible when half of us are taught fear before we know what we’re supposed to be afraid of?

Or maybe you’re a good girl, do you think you’re safe? Do you think that the fact that you’ve never wanted to go to an orgy means you’ll never have to worry about the virgin/whore paradigm? Did you go to highschool?

Do you really think that my body, and my claim on human rights, is worth less because I enjoy sex? Because that’s what I’m hearing and I’m not happy about it.

Written by kinkinexile

October 14, 2007 at 2:36 am

Posted in blogging, exile, personal

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