Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad


I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about service of late and how I relate to it when I’m topping. I think it’s kind of a hard to explain concept for me. The assumption is that it comes from laziness in wanting to get basic chores done. I don’t get off on having someone clean my house; I get off on someone wanting to please me. I think a large part of it is that wanting to please exposes one to vulnerability and I find vulnerability to be really hot. When I want to top a service bottom I rarely want chores done (although if any of you want to catalog and then repack 12 boxes of books in the next 2 weeks email me). I usually want a massage, or a foot rub or something that is easy except that I can make it hard. I can be meticulous about how my books are organized or absurdly particular in how I take my tea. I complicate and ritualize simple tasks so I can take pleasure in watching someone struggling to get it right and so that the reward or the praise they get is more meaningful because the task was hard or because they are vulnerable and exposed. And yes, it is unfair to complicate things but if I just wanted a simple chore done I would either do it myself or hire someone for an equally simple business transaction. (And btw, the next time you think this is just an easy way to get the floor washed remember: the cleaning lady doesn’t require aftercare or ask for dinner dates.)

Written by kinkinexile

January 11, 2008 at 6:03 am

Posted in topping

One Response

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  1. I like service because it’s about me, and about me in a very practical, often tangible way. It’s pleasant and often comfortable to be attended. I like giving direction and helping people learn to do something exactly correctly (where correct can mean objectively better or simply more to my tastes), and service is a great forum for that. It’s nice to have deferential, attentive, careful people around. Getting the tub cleaned without doing it myself is a *perk* of service, an extra benefit, and a nice extra benefit, but not the only goal. As you said, it would likely be easier to hire a cleaning person or to get out the bleach powder and scrubbing brush myself.


    January 11, 2008 at 2:08 pm

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