Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Looong weekend

Pain to effort ratio:
So I have this belief that I should find the least difficult method to cause the most amount of pain. I think I get this from being a very petite girl with a taste for masochists. Last night I discovered that metal tubing covered in that rubbery heat-shrink stuff leaves wonderful bruises with very little work on my part. I started last night afraid I won’t hit hard enough and ended it afraid that my partner wouldn’t be able to sit today. I think I should worry less all around, and in the mean time I decided to improve my pain causing efficiency and purchased my first single tail today…let the target practice commence.

Negotiating aftercare:
So I learned a while ago that I need to negotiate for my aftercare when I bottom. I think I figured this out sometime between getting back to my hotel room at a kink event and sobbing for no good reason and walking up to a partner at a play party shortly after a scene and explaining that I can’t get from walking into the kitchen area to actually having food on a plate and eating it. Perhaps I require more aftercare than the average girl so in keeping with my theory that telling people all the bullshit up front so they can agree to it knowingly makes life easier I started negotiating for my after care. I have to say I am significantly happier with my bottoming experiences when I do this. Sub-space is strange, and when you are high on endorphins and completely out of your head or in a totally different part of your head you do silly things like decide that if you get untied it’s because people don’t like you any more or try to do things involving fine motor skills when you can’t walk in a straight line. Good aftercare really, seriously makes a difference. It gives me time to reconcile subspace with reality before I have to cope with reality and it also helps ensure that my body isn’t further stressed by things like cold or dehydration which I’m not good at recognizing immediately after a scene. Really I think this whole long paragraph was written so I can say yay for tops to carry Gatorade in their toy bags; I’m gonna start doing that too.

Home again:
Today I went to the NELA fetish flea. I got about 3 feet past the door and saw someone I knew, and then another person I knew, and then a few more until I felt I would spend half the day standing by the doorway hugging people I haven’t seen in a year. I did not in fact spend all day in the doorway. I walked around, ran into my old studio manager who has sold the space and moved on to other projects, reconnected with old friends and business acquaintances, met up with Maymay, and saw a woman I have a habit of boinking 2 weeks before a long distance move along with an army of other past (and possibly current) lovers. I bought a single tail (with Calico’s help), and avoided the Circlet Press table except to hug people I knew because moving books cross country is not so much with the fun (though you should totally check them out for all your bondage sci-fi erotica needs). I saw the Boston skyline coming in off I-95 and talked to people for whom all directions begin with the infinite corridor. Life is good, and soon I move again. (And this too is a good thing.)

Written by kinkinexile

January 14, 2008 at 4:00 am

2 Responses

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  1. Isn’t the flea always like that, though? What’s funny is how many people run into people they know that they *don’t* know through the scene, but through their jobs, schools, church, etc… The world is very small, and then even more so when you go to the nexus of a subculture you’re in.

    Hm, I’m taking notes on your negotiating aftercare… it’s been so long since I negotiated to play with anyone anywhere that I’m sure I’ll forget some really basic thing. But I want to get out and play more, and that means brushing up my skills. And going to more events that I am not helping to RUN.

    Cecilia Tan

    January 16, 2008 at 11:21 pm

  2. I think electricity is going to be fairly good on the pain-to-effort side. But it’s also Different.

    s

    January 18, 2008 at 6:10 pm


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