Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Can it be some things are sacred?

with 4 comments

There are two scenes from last week that I keep meaning to write about but just can’t seem to make it happen maybe there are some details of my life that are in fact not for public consumption. I topped in the first scene and bottomed in the second; both were amazingly intense. I was in a low tech mood, which for me means I don’t want to make it look pretty, tie you up, or wear a costume. I just want to push you up against a wall and beat, punch, and slap the hell out of you. I got to do just that with May (who also kindly agreed to be blogged about). A week and a half later my brain is still in a puddle trying to get over just how yummy this boy is. Possibly too yummy for his own good – I tried to cool down two or three times and kept finding that he was so much fun to hurt I didn’t want to stop yet. I really like knowing that on some level the person I’m hurting wants to be hurt. I definitely got that from May (and I trust he’ll forgive me for not tying him down on account of it?). I went at him with two very different toys. The first was the kind of intimidating thing you expect people to be sacred of – a piece of metal piping covered with heat-shrink. The second, an evil stick, looks very cute and dainty but leaves much more obvious marks. Both rate very well on my effort to pain chart. It’s funny, I have a lot of toys most of which spend their lives in the back of my closet — I guess I prefer a more hands on approach – but these two seem to always make an appearance when I make new friends. Have you ever simultaneously wanted to really hurt someone and protect them from the world? I think I feel this way to some degree every time I top, but perhaps because I got to hurt May more than I’ve hurt most other people in the past the feeling was especially pronounced this time. It’s an interesting headspace to balance.

The second person I played with that night had the interesting challenge of bringing me from top space to sub space while also dealing with the fact that I was in a fragile headspace due to outside factors. I would say that I didn’t believe it was possible, but he’s very good at what he does and I knew that. Sub space is a fairly new thing for me. I’ve bottomed for a long time, but I am fundamentally a pushy broad and given half a chance to take control I will. Good thing the person I was playing with didn’t give me any fragment of a chance 🙂 I’m not entirely sure that I want to talk about my own vulnerability here. The kind of connection I make with my top when I actually hit subspace isn’t something I really want expose to the outside world, at least not yet. I will tell you however, that canes are very, very wonderful implements, and that the problem with having your backside be black and blue isn’t that you can’t sit per se, so much as it is that you will be awfully distracted for a couple of days…

Written by kinkinexile

January 31, 2008 at 4:20 am

4 Responses

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  1. I got to do just that with May (who also kindly agreed to be blogged about).

    In my fantasies, I’m way more than one kind of slut. In the real world, I also simply enjoy reading about the good times I’ve shared with others. Write about me all you like; I’ll bask in the attention and I’ll tell you if I’m ever uncomfortable with the publicity. 🙂

    I really like knowing that on some level the person I’m hurting wants to be hurt. I definitely got that from May (and I trust he’ll forgive me for not tying him down on account of it?)

    You know one of the kinds of sluts I am is a bondage slut, but you also know that I find the alternate option can be extremely sexy, too. In other words, there’s nothing for me to forgive you about.

    Have you ever simultaneously wanted to really hurt someone and protect them from the world? I think I feel this way to some degree every time I top…

    When I’m being beaten on by someone(s), it’s this kind of interaction—one in which I can sense the protective as well as the sadistic instinct—that’s the most fun.

    …but perhaps because I got to hurt May more than I’ve hurt most other people in the past the feeling was especially pronounced this time. It’s an interesting headspace to balance.

    Obviously, if it’s sacred to this blog then it needn’t be discussed here, however if it isn’t I’d very much like to hear more about this. My simplistic assumptions is merely that when the stars align in such a way as to bring players with similar tastes (in style, likes, intensity, etc.) together then the “stuff works,” but that’s clearly not going to cut it for the rest of my brain. 🙂

    maymay

    January 31, 2008 at 7:57 am

  2. You spoke of simultaneously wanting to hurt and protect people. I think that dichotomy is pretty common in topping/domming. For me, I find it breaks down into two parts.

    Somewhat tongue in cheek, there’s an element of “Only I can hurt you” possessiveness. At least in that phrasing it’s as much silly as real, but I think there’s an element of truth to it, so I’ll let you mull over what it means.

    More seriously, there’s a chunk of wanting to protect people from the kind of pain they don’t want, so to inflict the kind they do want. As you said, you like knowing that they want to be hurt. Which is a big part of what resolves that dichotomy. At least for me, I’ve seen much heavier scenes that I’m not sure I could take part in. So clearly people approach this differently. (not surprising)

    s

    January 31, 2008 at 2:57 pm

  3. May, when I asked if some things were sacred it was because I was having a hard time writing any kind of scene write up…funny how even in this day and age I am compelled to protect some experiences from public scrutiny. I think stuff does just work when you get the right people doing it and that plays into my belief that whatever your perversion might be (even if it is missionary sex and then only on Sundays) you just have to find the right person and it will all be great (with the alternative being either a) trying to change people or b) deciding you’re sick and will never get laid).

    I’ve written here before about how topping for me is a very nurturing process so it shouldn’t be surprising that I want to “protect” by bottoms as it were. It’s also somewhat self serving — if I can help you process the pain, you will take more pain for me 🙂

    kinkinexile

    January 31, 2008 at 9:04 pm

  4. S, spot on. I think when I bottom I kind of expect that my top will also keep me safe. That’s what lets me do this in the first place (well that, and the fact that pain makes me very, very wet, but you know, details). There are definitely scenes that push my buttons in all the wrong ways, but that has to do with my own background and the baggage I bring to the table. I strongly suspect that the people who are doing those scenes would describe a similar state of protectiveness and being protected. I personally really enjoy being scared (well ok, in that strange kinky way I don’t enjoy it while it’s happening but I get off on the idea and always have good memories of those scenes), but the reason I can play with that kind of fear is because even when I’m terrified I still know that my top will keep me fundamentally safe.

    kinkinexile

    January 31, 2008 at 9:13 pm


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