Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

What do you get out of service?

First off, my apologies for the delayed post; I was attending the TNG4 conference, which was amazing.

This morning I went to a workshop on designing assignments for submissives.  It was interesting because one of the key things it covered was what do you hope to accomplish with this assignment.  Now I realize that assignments and service are different things, but this still falls into the d/s realm for me and as I’ve been exploring that of late and exploring the idea of receiving service, and so it got me thinking…

Usually when I ask questions no one answers, but I’m hoping that by targeting service oriented submissives I might get more responses or more thought-out responses.  Then again, I could just be being a presumptuous bitch.  In any case, my question is what do you get out of service?  Does it depend on the kind of service you’re providing (for example washing floors vs. foot worship vs. computer repairs)?  What do you expect out of service?  Do you have any fears or concerns when providing service or negotiating a service based relationship?

I’m curious because I am really interested in this kind of dynamic but the boundaries and logic of it still seems really unclear to me.

Written by kinkinexile

February 18, 2008 at 3:24 am

Posted in community, personal, topping

3 Responses

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  1. I’ve never participated in any type of play, and am only vaguely conscious of what my desires are, so I can only comment hypothetically and without the constraints (no pun intended) of actual D/s.

    However, there seem to be two elements of service that I would find attractive: firstly, to please the person for whom I’m performing the service; and secondly, to please myself. If there’s someone I like, one of the first things that would come to mind would be doing things to help them out – fetching and carrying, helping them with work, anything like that. But I think that, perhaps more importantly, I like being in that sort of hierarchy – in a non-sexual sense, indeed, I enjoy being told what to do, and I like being able to carry out those tasks successfully.

    In a real-life sense, I have problems with saying “no” to things I’ve been asked to do, out of a desire to not be displeasing. I could see myself using D/s dynamics to work this out in that other context, so that it wouldn’t be so much of an issue in my day-to-day life. Maybe I would be worried about this in a D/s sense, about where the line concerning me respecting my own boundaries lies. But I don’t know.

    I hope that wasn’t of too little help.


    February 18, 2008 at 6:30 am

  2. What do I get out of service?

    For me, it’s a way to please someone without anything sexual.

    Sure sexual service is great, but when it comes to things like foot worship or sexual service it’s obvious why a guy would enjoy it.

    When I’m cleaning or fixing a computer, I know I’m doing it for other reasons. I still don’t understand it fully yet.

    It’s a way for me to feel submissive and to please, knowing that I get nothing out of it other than to help make a dominant’s life easier or better.

    It’s a way for me to remember that I’m not just kinky, I’m submissive.

    It does depend on the person of course. Cleaning a floor just because the person is lazy makes me feel used (in a bad way), doing it for someone who knows it’s a gift and treats it like one is priceless.

    It helps to get clear directions. Not just “clean my floor”, but how you want it cleaned, are there areas that I should pay special attention to. If it’s a computer problem, what is the end result you’re looking for and am I allowed to offer suggestions?

    Please inspect my work afterwards, that way I know if I’ve done a good job or not. My idea of a clean floor may be very different from yours. If you see I’m spending way to much attention on one area and not another, let me know. After all, I’m doing this to please you.

    I hate cleaning! Hate it! But I do enjoy cleaning in the context of service.

    There’s a common misconception that a sub who is cleaning is usually naked. I’ve never experienced this, though I am curious to try. It would change the entire dynamic of how I feel when performing service. Maybe I’d feel more submissive, maybe I wouldn’t be able to do a good job because I was so distracted.

    Ok, I’ve blabbered on enough.

    Hope that helped:)


    February 18, 2008 at 6:32 am

  3. Damn, I kinda wanted to go to TNG4. Are you going to post on the rest of the conference, too? I’d love to hear about the other workshops you went to!


    February 21, 2008 at 6:29 pm

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