Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

No one should feel this much shame

A while ago I was working in a private show booth at a peep show.  I had a guy come in with a special request.  He walked in, locked the door, and starting putting 20s into my counter — clearly a regular, but not one I’ve seen before.  So I start playing up my school girl theme of the evening, and asking him what he wants to see.  I always give customers a chance to tell me what they want even though most of them stutter along about wanting to see whatever I’ve got.  This guy knew exactly what he wanted.

“Dominate me.”  It wasn’t a command; more like a whispered plea.

How do you dominate someone through a glass wall?  I’m sure it can be done, but with a complete stranger, I’m not the girl to do it.  Still, I was on the clock.  I went straight for the fantasy talk and he kindly provided the fantasy.  Either my dirty-talk skills benefited from the on-the-job training I’d been getting, or some men come on command, but a few rounds of “don’t you just want to lick my shoes you filthy little slut” later and I thought I had another satisfied customer under my belt.

But as soon as the guy’s orgasm was over he turned beet red.  He practically burrowed into the wall while trying to simultaneously put his pants on, shove a very generous tip into my box, and apologies for making me do that.  Pants on, he ran out of the both faster than any customer before or since.

It breaks my heart that anyone would be so ashamed of their desires.  I swear, I want to take them home like lost puppy dogs.

Written by kinkinexile

May 9, 2008 at 4:35 am

Posted in Uncategorized

4 Responses

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  1. On the bright side, at least he’s going to get a really big pleasant surprise when he finds out he’s not going to hell for this.


    May 10, 2008 at 1:51 am

  2. I know what you mean. I wish I could tell everyone who ever called me that it’s ok to have these desires, they’re not fucked up or weird.


    May 12, 2008 at 11:49 am

  3. Hi Alisa,

    I hope you don’t mind that I’ve put up a post that’s sort of riffing, sort of fretting about what that guy’s attitudes might mean. Because the implications of that much shame, what it says about his attitudes about sex workers, what it says about his attitude about *non* sex-workers too, kind of freaks me out.

    Take care,



    May 18, 2008 at 5:19 am

  4. I found this posting while googling “sex, shame,” and “kink.” I’ve been trying to deal with my own for a long time. I think I understand how your customer felt. I feel so much shame about my sexual desires and intimate needs that I’ve retreated into a years long life of celibacy. The tragedy is that it became steadfastly rooted by my mid 20’s and cost me what should have been the most vibrant and exciting years of my life. I have tried over and over again to communicate my needs to girlfriends (before I gave up completely) who outright rejected them, demanded that I repress them, and laid on layer upon layer of guilt and shame. I’m not trying to villify my previous paramours, that’s just how it happened. Now every time I meet someone whom I might be interested in, or feel a social relationship someone veering towards deeper waters, all I can see is the rejection that awaits should I expose myself. And of course, it’s only logical, the complications compound beneath the surface.

    the stranger

    October 7, 2009 at 10:04 am

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