Coming to kink
“I came for the sex, and stayed for the transcendence” — Lark in a workshop on pain and catharsis
“I do SM in search of a moment’s clarity and pureness of existence” — Midori in Wild Side Sex
Perhaps “coming back” would be a more appropriate phrase in my case. Life gets hectic, and recently it’s been all too easy to drop out of this sexy sultry world. I’ve said this before; the importance of kink seems to always be most evident when it’s absent. I suppose this is no surprise, but this is the time when I think most about why I do kink and what I want to do with it.
The idea of transcendence or clarity in SM play is very interesting. It’s a really focused in-your-body kind of expirience, and one that I relate closely to my yoga practice. However, those experiences are very personal, internal, shifts. I’m realizing more and more that kink is about connection for me. It’s about the intimate connection with my partner, but it is also about the connection with my community, and with all those who bear witness to my play. The appeal is not just in the particular activity I’m engaging in, but in the fact that it is kinky, and unsanctioned. It’s stands in opposition to prescribed sexual mores, and in someways that in itself is hot. A lot of the intimacy of it comes from that as well — I am not only trusting you to play with me safely, I am trusting you to like me because of, not in spite of, my kinks and quarks.
Why do you come to kink? What do you take from it into your waking life?