Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad


I’m trying something new today.  I’ve been wondering for a long time what happens for the sub during a service session, and so I went out and asked.  Unspeakable Axe was kind enough to indulge my curiosity; the Q&A is posted bellow, and as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter as well.  Thanks Axe!

What types of service do you typically provide?
It depends on the person of course but 99.9% of the time it’s either cleaning or technical/computer work.   It’s always non sexual.   Most people thing service and they think of oral service or something.

How do you meet the people you provide service to?  How do you tell if it will be a good fit?
The most common way is through Craigslist or Collarme….Ok that’s the only way.    The best way for me to tell if its going to be a good fit is the attitude of the dominant.   Do they want service because they’re lazy or because they really enjoy and understand D/s?   There’s a difference between someone who daydreams about having a submissive clean for them and likes the idea of service compared to someone who daydreams about getting free manual labor.

Do you incorporate any protocol, or well defined roles into service? If so, what are they?
I don’t request any roles or protocol.   If the other person prefers it, then I suppose I enjoy it more.  I’ve learned that there are different kinds of service relationships.   Some aren’t appropriate for any special protocols and others are.

How do you get in the mood to perform service?  How do you transition from normal everyday life to performing service?  How do you get out of that headspace afterwards?
I’ve never been able to do any of that.   If you know how, by all means let me know:).  Sometimes it can be frustrating afterwards.

How does service allow you to express your submission?
I enjoy pleasing people.  Not just anyone of course but its an outlet for me.   I don’t experience BDSM play very often so D/s lets me feel submissive when I normally wouldn’t if there was no such thing as service.

Are there types of service that are more challenging than others or trigger feelings of submission more poignantly than others?

Cooking more advanced dishes is challenging and frustrating too because if I screw it up there’s no going back and fixing it.   With a kitchen floor I can always spend more time cleaning it to get it right, that’s not the case with food.

My submission is part of my sexuality, so any time there is a hint of sexuality tied into what I’m doing it makes me feel more submissive. (I’m a simple creature I know)

Do you think people in the BDSM scene generally understand the idea of service?
Not at all.   I think most submissive men thing service is a way to get beaten if you make a mistake and so they make mistakes on purpose.   How can making a mistake on purpose be considered service?  Lame.

On the flipside, most people seeking service only want it because they want free labor.

D/s is something that very few people in the BDSM community are interested in.

Written by kinkinexile

September 22, 2008 at 12:15 am

Posted in blogging, fun stuff, topping

2 Responses

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  1. I would love to know more about how to accomplish D/s service as a dominant married woman trying to establish a female led marriage.
    I have on occassion gotten it right, but not for the duration of more than a few hours.
    I am of a generation that was raised in the theory of “equality” and it is tough to shake even when I so completely enjoy my dominate role in my marriage to a submissive man.
    More of your Q & A please! 🙂

    BBW Switch

    September 22, 2008 at 8:35 pm

  2. Oooh, that’s a good question, and there are definitely better people out there to tackle it than I. It’s a little easier for me because I don’t do this 24/7, but I still find myself being shy with my demands when getting into role. I think it’s one of those things you get into and let yourself run with after a little practice, and it doesn’t hurt to have a boy who’s grateful for the opportunity to serve. Anyone else care to tackle this?


    September 22, 2008 at 8:58 pm

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