Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad


I was talking to a friend this afternoon about the fact that there are aspects of pro-domming that I miss a great deal. Some of them are specifically about the business, but others are more personal. They are about how the business lets me explore my own kinks. The party line seems to be that there is no getting off at work. Clients are clients, lovers are lovers, and never the two shall meet. And in general I would advocate a healthy distinction between one’s personal and professional self no matter what one’s profession may be. Sex-workers and people doing emotional labor in particular benefit from well defined boundaries. However, some aspects of sex work are deeply personal, and intrinsically fetishistic.

I like being an unapologetic whore. Ok, read a little deeper: this is not just about being unapologetic about an industry or a career path, this is about being unapologetic about a behavior that is labeled as wrong not just in society in general, but also in kinky circles. I like being a demanding bitch, a spoiled little girl, a princess. Pro-domming gave me a context where I could – and was expected to – demand tributes. This isn’t limited to my hourly fee. My hourly fee is in fact beyond the point – that’s just the business part. The personal part is where I demand chocolate. Where I demand that you find time in your busy day to go to the candy store I like, find parking, stand in line, to get my a chocolate dipped slice of dried pear. I can send you on a wild goose chase on a whim and you love it.

I like the part too where you bring with you the tools of your undoing. Gift me with that whip that you’re scared to be hit with. Send me those shoes that get you hard just thinking about them on my feet even though you know I won’t let you cum.

These are the desires frowned upon by the larger BDSM community. Asking for stuff makes me a whore, or it takes advantage of submissive men. But in truth actual whoring does little to fulfill my prostitution fantasy. I want to join these worlds. I want fantasy prostitution and heartfelt tributes. I don’t want you to pay my rent; I can pay my own rent. I want you to bring me something that symbolizes your submission in your mind as well as mine. I want something that is tangible and takes effort.

[And between us girls, your tears are tangible, and obedience takes effort.]

Written by kinkinexile

November 9, 2008 at 1:23 am

2 Responses

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  1. Gifting what symbolizes my submission and provides a tangible pleasure or benefit to my domme is an artform which I try and hone.

    I totally agree … tears are tangible, obedience takes real effort, and sending me on a goose chase for mutual fun and enjoyment is true entertainment.

    I really don’t think asking for stuff makes you a “whore”. You dominant – you ask … Me submissive – me try and provide.


    November 9, 2008 at 9:38 am

  2. I think it’s only whoring when it’s for money – when you ask for gifts that carry meaning, it becomes a devout act of service. I think there are sometimes concerns about it being abused, but when the costs incurred are small and manageable, I don’t see the problem with it. After all, it is the emotional investment that really matters, and the demonstration of that investment in some tangible way.


    November 10, 2008 at 2:31 pm

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