Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad


I spent the last couple of days in New York, where I got to meet some great people, including a lot of fellow sex bloggers. The first, and very exciting, thing that I discovered is that people read me! I was introduced to Wendy Blackheart who responded with “oh, you’re kinkinexile!” This never happened before; I just assumed I write into a void despite the fact that my traffic is up 57% since the move from

The second thing I realized is that some of my readers are wondering “how is San Francisco exile?” Good question. The short answer is that I started this blog while I was working in very rural Thailand (I had a bike accident with a baby water buffalo level of rural) and my boyfriend was working in a refugee camp. I lived there for a year. I couldn’t go out at night because there were wild dogs off my compound, so I really did get a lot of writing done, blogging and otherwise. When I moved back to the US I thought about changing the name, but by that point had a large enough readership that I didn’t want to lose it. I was half expecting to move to the middle east shortly after getting back too. Now I guess it’s just inertia, the fear of lost readers, and the expectation that I will, sooner or later, end up in Burma that keeps the name going.

Inspired by the first point, I took a look at Google Analytics. I discovered that I have readers in some odd places (Bolivia and Syria for example) and that my readers are still primarily interested in “milking men.” I suspect this doesn’t mean what I think it means. However, for the handfull who found my blog by searching “NGO dating”: it’s really bloody hard, it’s insular and incestuous, but there is also a good bet that the people you meet will share many of your values. I would, however, caution against sleeping with Host Country Nationals. Personally, I see ethics issues there, but even leaving ethics and power dynamics aside, be prepared for culture shock — especially if you’re a Western woman. As one of my friends put it after dating a Thai man, “they just don’t respect us the way we need to be respected.” And I’ll add that 90% of what they know about white women probably came from porn.

Written by kinkinexile

January 10, 2009 at 11:40 pm

Posted in advice, community, exile

One Response

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  1. Lol, its always exciting to realize people actually read what you write. As I said, the first time it happened to me, I nearly shit my pants.

    Wendy Blackheart

    January 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm

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