Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Who died and made me queen?

Answering this question is just one of the things that requires energy and time when I domme (forgive me for verbing a noun).  As I was just explaining to someone, dominating is a large commitment for me because of the time and energy I need to invest.  Energy in the scene to keep things going effectively, keep everyone safe,  make them feel like they are about to die despite being totally safe and secure the whole time, monitor head space heart rate and body temperature, and do a host of other things, but also time before the scene.  I don’t, as a general rule, pre-plan scenes.  I think it’s kind of unfair to have a casting call for my fantasies, and I prefer to go with the flow.  However, I was taught to try everything on myself before doing it to someone else, and I do.  

It also takes effort to figure out just how demanding I can be without crossing a line that isn’t meant to be crossed.  How much of a challenge is enough?  How much pain?  This is of course important for me to know in order to get my sub into the right headspace, but it’s also one of those things that takes emotional energy because it flirts with the fear of rejection.  And then there are the tropes of female dominance that I just don’t do.  Using derogatory language just isn’t my thing.  Forced femme seems more insulting to me than to my male sub.  Punishment is a waste of my time.  All a matter of preference, but shying away from the common archetypes means I have to develop my own.

So why do I do all this?  This is kind of like asking why ride a motorcycle given the risks, or why travel to 3rd world countries given the discomfort.  I don’t have an answer besides the rather snippety “if you have to ask, I can’t explain it.”    But make no mistake, I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t love it.  Domming (and topping) is an amazing rush, a wonderful journey, and perhaps most importantly in this context: it makes me wet.

Written by kinkinexile

February 3, 2009 at 12:15 am

Posted in headspace, personal, topping

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