Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

too many thoughts

Do you ever get that feeling when you have so many things you’d like to write about you don’t know where to start? yeah, that’s where I’m at…

I have been going crazy recently with an old fantasy that’s resurfaced. I’ve had this evolving prostitution fantasy for a while, and as I’ve been writing some fiction along that theme it’s on my mind of late. I’ve written about this before, but the wonderful thing about fantasies is that you can always spin them differently, add some details, change a perspective, and you have a whole new story. The funny thing about my prostitution fantasy is that actual prostitution doesn’t help. I can fantasize about pro-domming, and I can work as a pro-domme and the latter doesn’t preclude the former. Tragic isn’t it?

My latest fantasy plays the line between lover and client…kind of a pampered pet idea Advochasty has written about in his post Pro vs. Pampered Lifestyler. I’m not making a business arrangement with a stranger but the money is still an important part of what makes it hot. Being a switch I can see this played out from either side of the coin…I can be at the mercy of a man too powerful for my own good; pampered and yet ultimately at his mercy. I can also play the ice queen dominatrix allowing a man the privilege of serving me, sending him on wild goose chases on a whim, expecting him to pamper me because that is a role he is desperate to assume.

Perhaps this is the last taboo — money is the one thing I never got permission to sexualize. Perhaps, as I told a lover just this morning, it is a result of the fact that I have always had the things I wanted and no one has ever been mean to me — not in a way that mattered.

Origin of power:
This morning I remarked to Censorydep that he was incredibly good at service for someone who walks through the world as though he owned it. This, naturally, lead to a conversation about owning the world. Now I must say that the idea of powerful men being good submissives is not entirely surprising, and is in fact a familiar refrain especially vis-a-vis professional BDSM relationships. What I do find striking, however, is the difference between people who assume power and people who struggle for it. I don’t know what circumstances have to come together to create a person who is unshakably confidant in the power they wield, but I suspect it starts at a very early age. On the other hand people who have had to fight for power, or “fake it till you make it” or employ some other conscious strategy are, in my mind, dangerous. It’s one of those things my mother taught me long before I was ready to understand “insecure men are dangerous. If he’s nice to you and mean to the waitress, leave.” Of course the flip side is that I have demonstrated an often uncontrollable and inexplicable attraction to arrogant bastards, but that might be something for a different post. Temporary insanity on my part not withstanding, however, it seems that submission, or at least submission as I like it, comes from a base of power. Not surprising, but gave me food for thought this morning.

Written by kinkinexile

March 3, 2009 at 2:47 pm

2 Responses

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  1. Confidence in one’s self comes from knowledge of one’s self. My ability to submit freely is a result of that confidence. Having knowledge of self allows me to realize that my submission is not *me*, it may be an aspect of me, but I am so much more than it.

    If I weren’t confident, every command would seem like a threat to my “power” and every criticism a possibly ego-crushing event. That does not give a dominant partner much room to play in.


    March 3, 2009 at 6:31 pm

  2. Hi!

    Thanks for the shout-out. I suppose my post was more about trying to catagorize a unique relationship that defies definition.

    However, I totally relate to the sexualization of money. There is something hot and controlling about a woman who wants it from me. Sometimes I fret that I have a “pro” relationship instead of a “lifestyle” relationship, but for both of us, some form of me spending on her is very sexual.

    My money thing can be unhealthy and self destructive. Once in the throes of three weeks of on-my-honor chastity and after a very hot, sexual session that did not end in orgasm for me, I just gave another domme I was seeing at the time 5K. She was going to London to buy some playtoys for us. She proceeded to buy out the entire electrics department of a noted London fetish store and then tell me that I had to give her more dough if I wanted to enjoy the fruits her purchases. I never saw her again.

    I’m not sure where my thing with money comes from, but having my dominant control part of something necessary for survival comes to mind.

    What do you think makes it hot?


    March 4, 2009 at 10:54 am

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