So I haven’t been writing much and to top it off I had this post half written and the internet ate it. You see, I’ve been busy: moving, work, wrist pain causing me to save my typing for work mostly, life.
Perhaps the most time and energy consuming thing aside from the move has been building my relationship with the new boy. ok, so 8-ish months is probably not new, but it feels that way. It feels like I am making it up as I go along.
I have never had a relationship with a submissive man before. Play dates, play relationships even, sure. Sex against brick walls in dirty alleys, I wish! But not a relationship, you know, the kind where you meet their parents and start thinking about how your art would look on their walls. This sudden combination of leather and…linen…adds a whole new layer.
Start with I don’t typically do relationships. My last relationship benefited from the 400 kilometers between my rice farming village and my partner’s refugee camp while we got to know each other. (There was no phone reception in the camp and no internet in the village to boot.) And then there is the kink…relationship first, kink second. The things you learn through trial and error! Oh, and did you know submissive men get sick, or tired, or emotional just like all humans everywhere? They do. And when they do they do not make your tea the way you are used to them making your tea and then you feel abandoned. And then there are all the archetypes of D/s that pop up and muddle how you feel about things. Take for example collars — before I could decide what a collar meant to me and if I was willing to give one I had to get over years of watching people wank about the One True Way.
I guess what I’m getting at is relationships are a lot of work and adding kink adds to that. There is this expectation that they aren’t, that if you were right for each other everything would just work, you would agree on everything before you even talk about it, and the sex will be fantastic all the time. Love concurs all, and it does so with magic. In reality love just gives you the willingness to do the work. (And in other news, the sky is blue.)