Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Domme in a business suit?

I don’t think so. Ok, so I’m particularly in work-head today having dressed up like a grown up for a meeting with my creative director, but this post isn’t really about dress code. This is a post, one of many, about being so many other things before I’m a domme. In this post Advo discusses his real estate agent as a possible domme, and you know, it bothers me. Not that he is attracted to her all together but that what draws his attention and fuels the post is not the introduction of a competent and experienced agent but rather that of the possibility of a dominant woman. I’ve seen this elsewhere too — the appraising post, the idle chatter on a submissive man’s blog about whether the grumpy bus driver/lady at the cafe/secretary is secretly dominant.

It makes me wonder if people think this way about me? If they hear “human computer interaction…” and tune out to thoughts of being beaten with looped optical fiber. I hope not. I can’t imagine that an interaction with anyone who doesn’t see me as a complete holistic being and is not paying for the privilege of seeing only what they want to see will go far. The bottom line is that it’s downright offensive and if you are going presume to be submissive you could start with a little bit of respect of the kind you afford any other business contact.

Written by kinkinexile

October 16, 2009 at 12:30 pm

Posted in blogging, headspace, work

5 Responses

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  1. Well … you know you’ve got my attention now.

    Not to get all defensive about my post, but it is a “kinky sex” blog. Mostly, I figure for the genre I’m waaay tame and talk about loads of stuff not particularly kinky. I mean, I’m not freakin’ writing about real estate over here.

    Actually, almost to a fault, I’m a guy who is friends with women – their entire package.

    What struck me about Ms. Broker was not whether she was secretly dommy, but that she had seemed to come out to me – and seemed interested in me.

    I do think I mentioned how smart and competent she seemed to be, rather than how I thought she’d look in Louboutins and back seamed stockings.

    You and I are of significantly different generations and social groups. Perhaps for you an actual flirtation that might be kinky is not so rare. But I gotta tell you that in my life it has been rare indeed for a woman to reveal even a hint of real kink to me.

    And if I may, as I recall, it was your writing I was attracted to, not whether you might like this or that pervy past time.

    What’s offensive? That I thought it was hot she said had some outfits she’d like to dress me up in? Face it, most guys minds are partly in the gutter. That’s why we need you all to slap us around and remind us to make eye contact.

    Oy…if I can’t think what she said is hot then call the PC police and drag me away.


    October 19, 2009 at 4:17 am

  2. Advo,

    Ok I’ll take your point regarding yours being a kinky sex blog. However with regard to men needing women to “slap us around and remind us to make eye contact,” this ties into exactly the kind of woman-as-gatekeeper mindset that also results in you being unable to find women who openly talk about kink (or sex of any kind). Furthermore, I expect the people I interact with to, well, act like responsible adults — I shouldn’t have to correct anyone’s behavior unless they are under the age of 10.


    October 23, 2009 at 5:17 pm

  3. admin –

    I think your critique of my post and your response to my comment says so much more about where you are than where I am. I think your feeling of being stuck at the gate doing a double shift of guard duty says more about your need to police than my need or desire to be policed.

    While I agree with you that sometimes guys, and I proudly count myself as part of that heathen tribe, will not always see a woman as a “complete holistic being”; I think women sometimes don’t know how to take a compliment.

    Tell me you and a girlfriend have never engaged in “appraising”, “idle chatter” about some hot guy’s body?

    As for my being “unable” to find women to talk to about kinky sex … I guess I just must be looking for love in all the wrong places.

    Maybe I should go to “responsible adult” school?


    October 23, 2009 at 6:23 pm

  4. Advo, agree to disagree. I posted this to my journal rather than comment in yours because we all get our own opinions. With regard to my need to police — no thanks, I prefer to deal with people who can manage their own behavior.


    October 23, 2009 at 6:35 pm

  5. Your post strikes exactly where the problem lies between the F/dom & s/male. There are expectations, hopes, fantasies and desires in the male, sub or not. I’ll risk stating that females have the same innerworkings but not the exact same motivation. You can’t change the wiring, just deal with the reality knowing that frustration and versatilitly are both part of the equation. Wish it wasn’t this way…

    wondering sub

    March 5, 2010 at 11:57 am

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