Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Does your lifestyle support sensuality?

I was trying to understand why I haven’t felt like posting recently. At first it was a time crunch, then a medical concern, more work deadlines, and then I didn’t feel like I had anything to write about. I didn’t want to spend all my words talking about the latest in dildo technology (though a cool new toy did get me back in the groove for this post), but I didn’t have much else to say. I realized that not only was I not spending much of my energy and resources writing about sex, I also wasn’t spending much energy exploring sex. It’s an odd shift for me.

Is this nature taking its course? The reasonable and normal result of moving to a gated community and updating my makeup to understated glam? The consequence of working in conservative cultures? Has my occasional long skirt crossed the line from community (or host country) integration to personal statement?! Or have I just shifted priorities, putting out one too many fires to keep the home fire burning?

Honestly, I couldn’t say. Am I satisfied with my sex life? Yes. Has it changed in the last two years? Yes. The reasoning behind this change probably comes down to a number of factors ranging from opportunities and availability to a sense of “been there done that.” And while I’m not interested in changing my sex life right now, I have been thinking about actions that create a space for sensuality in your (or my) life.

Ok, I won’t lie, I was at the doctor’s office the other day — one of those suburban operations where everyone seems to be trying to have a baby at 40, and picked up a copy of Conceive magazine. As you can imagine, it is all about how to boost conception – something I’m not interested in at the moment. However, it had an interesting article about being (and getting) in the mood. Sex educators, parents, and would-be parents among you may be aware that it isn’t uncommon to lose your sex drive when trying to have a baby especially if conception is proving difficult, if you are using fertility medication, or even if you are just trying to time sex to happen during fertility peaks. The Conceive article, however, had some useful if common sense tips on feeling sexy regardless of your views on children.

Tips like get more exercise, take time off, and pamper yourself are hard to argue with really. Unfortunately they can also be hard to follow. I have made and broken more exercise resolutions than I can name this year despite having several fitness options within blocks of my home (not to mention in my home). I haven’t had enough time to think about taking time off and pampering myself is one of those things that requires time and ends up at the bottom of the to-do list. Whether these are the real reasons behind my changing relationship to sex or not, I’m not sure. However, I am about to have a lot more time in my day, and I’m going to see how, if at all, that changes things.

How does your lifestyle support or interfere with your sex life? Have you made any lifestyle changes specifically to address some component of your sex life? If so what were they?

Written by kinkinexile

May 26, 2010 at 9:39 pm

Posted in advice, headspace, personal

2 Responses

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  1. Consider spending a few minutes watching this KinkForAll Providence video called “Sensuality Within and Beyond Sexuality” by Emma.


    May 29, 2010 at 1:58 pm

  2. The desire for sex ebbs and flows, it is natural. I think it is more so for women as our sex drives are directly connected to our stress levels. I am in the age group of women who are working full time, financially supporting ourselves, maintaining our households without the help of more than children who can be less than helpful, and trying to maintain established relationships with friends and family. In my case, I am also attending college, so my stress levels are high even though the stress is from positive activities such as working and attending college. Sex is at the bottom of my list. Honestly, I don’t have the time, the energy or the mindframe to indulge in it even though I know I need a balance of stress, work, social interaction and sexual activity to keep me sane. My priorities have shifted to attending to what is critical in my life, such as earning a living and completing my degree for future opportunities and sex isn’t critical. It has become more of a luxury, something that is expendable among all life’s responsibilities.

    Miss Jaye

    June 21, 2010 at 12:08 pm

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