Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

We are people first

This is not a new idea. I have read it, heard it, said it, and written it before. So have others and yet in needs repeating, loudly, clearly, and apparently often. We are people first. We are not born as dominants or submissives, feminists, kinksters, or keepers of the Old Guard. We are born as humans, as people. Why this insistence on highlighting the obvious? Because this post by Maymay reminded me of my early days in kink when I routinely heard people argue about whether negotiation took away from true submission, and if a real Dom cares what you want. Perhaps I lack imagination, but BDSM without negotiation and consent sounds like, well, domestic violence and the very act of deciding upon a no safe-word scene sounds like negotiation.

Or let me put it a different way as I’ve been known to tell my partners over the years: if we’re playing pirates and wenches, you’ve captured me off a british vessel and have had your way with me, perhaps you’ve tied me up and left me in a corner while you await ransom, but eventually we tire and we go out and we get dinner. And when we put on our clothes and walk out the front door you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are not a 15th century pirate because if you don’t, we’ve got problems. There is no confusion, I will not be mistaken for a captured wench at the corner diner, neither of us will have period dialects or accents, there is no risk of scurvy. So tell me, when I’m your filthy whore to do with as you please, or your good little housewife serving every need from vodka martini to marital duties why would there be any confusion about who I am after we get dressed and walk out the door?

Written by kinkinexile

August 28, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. This is relevant to my thinking around “power exchange” versus “authority play.” I like your simplified language a lot, though. I’m so obtusely academic sometimes.

    maymay

    September 5, 2011 at 11:31 am

  2. […] Maymay added some thoughts, as did Alisa. That triggered some blog browsing on my part, and led me to a post by Alisa which made me laugh out loud. I’ll quote the relevant part… If we’re playing pirates […]

    Avast, ye mateys!

    September 6, 2011 at 8:26 am


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