Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

The things I kink on

I brand myself as the girl who likes to hit people with sticks.  Mostly boys, often with metal sticks, but still hitting with sticks.  I’m pretty good at it, people seem amenable and so it works.

But recently, there’ve been a couple of new things I’ve kinked on that seem to be harder to get or at least get right.  First, orgasm denial, or more accurately for me, orgasm control.  I can’t even start explaining why this is hot because no matter how I look at it every damn aspect is hot.  Control?  Hot.  Begging?  Hot.  Forcing someone to masturbate?  Fucking hot.  Making them stop when they are so close they will cry if you make them stop?  Way freaking hot.  Did I mention the begging?  I sorta get off on that one.

So you may be thinking what’s the problem, right?  Take one person in possession of a penis, and one bottle lube, sprinkle with distractions, add restraints if needed, mix until a good time is achieved.  Right.  So that’s how it started…and then it got complicated.  What was a fun thing to do during sex became something I fetishize more and more outside of or between scenes.  Couple that with the fact that orgasm control is already an incredibly, overwhelmingly personal type of play and, well, real life happens.  How do you partition brain space to not impact work?  How do you make this non-intrusive for other partners and still meaningful?  How do you make this non-intrusive for other partners, when they may or may not also be interested in this type of play, and leave brain space for other things all while accommodating travel?

And then there are accessories.  My foundation kink is “you are doing this hard thing that you don’t want to do specifically to please me because you want to be good for me.”  This roughly translates to “go ahead and edge, in fact, why don’t you touch yourself every single time you are in the bathroom, or changing, or close to naked for any other reason, but you don’t get to come without me, oh and I’m just going to trust that you’ll play along cause you having to fight yourself on this, totally hot.”  Oh, but then chastity devices, strangely hot…and now I want to see them used in real life.  So now we have a super intimate, hard to organize kink that can be done in many different ways, some of which require special tools and not losing keys (I am very very bad at keys btw so that’s just terrifying) all of which I find hot…and I’m not really in a position to do any of them because see also hard to organize and super intimate.

Ok, ok, so that still sounds like find person in possession of penis and deep seated desire to please, add lube, and enjoy.  I forgot to mention, I’m a totally newbie at this particular kink _and_ I have very little self control.  Also, I enjoy both begging and giving people what they want; kind of hard for this specific kink.  It’s interesting though, because at first I felt guilty about saying “nope, you don’t get an orgasm, now get over here and get me off.”  The guilt wore off though, ok, I do still kind of feel that it’s a damn good racket, but I don’t feel actively guilty.  It’s just that every time I say no I have to actively balance the hotness of my partner begging (um, yeah, so insanely hot it’s a miracle I’m still at the computer) with my own desires to get them off. And it’s been a while since I was a newbie at something.  So I guess what I’m saying here is, a little advice please?


Next up, service…but that’s another post.

Written by kinkinexile

September 28, 2011 at 7:39 am

Posted in personal, topping

3 Responses

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  1. I’d refer you to Tom Allen and/or Denything Thumper (despite our differences), but neither of them have ever discussed dealing with multiple partners or the complications thereof. In fact, TTBOMK, only I have, and only an unhelpfully little bit.


    September 30, 2011 at 8:54 am

  2. As someone who is in a relationship with someone who kinks on it too, I can say the best advice is to just do whatever feels right for you at the time. If the person you’re with has expressed that they want this kind of dynamic and they know what they’re in for then go nuts! Eventually you’ll find how far you can push yourself and how far you can push your partner.


    September 30, 2011 at 6:04 pm

  3. @maymay, Thank you for the pointers. I have been reading both, which has been interesting and insightful, but only sort of in line with what I’d like to see explore in my own world. That’s something I’ll be able to write on more as I pull apart what I’m thinking about into coherent parts down the line.

    @unspeakableaxe, Yes, and thank you. Thank you also for mentioning that it is about pushing myself as well as pushing my partner. It is both a space of beautiful possibility and a little overwhelming to know that my partner can take, and in fact quite probably wants, more than I plan to dole out.


    October 2, 2011 at 6:26 pm

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