quick note about an aha moment
I’ve been spending a lot of cycles recently thinking about consensual non-consent, saying no, and generally being a demanding bitch in that making my partner happy through being mean kind of way. It often, not always, but often leaves me feeling amazed that my partner isn’t upset with me after I have been mean to him or her. (In fact all recent instances have resulted in seemingly delighted partners.) It’s not that I don’t enjoy the process of “I get to tell you when you get to have an orgasm and I’m telling you not yet.” I love it, and saying I feel guilty is also incorrect. I just feel like my partner would be well within his rights to be upset with me and I am pleasantly surprised when this isn’t the case. I expect that this is part of the learning curve…similar to feeling bad when you hit people who beg you to hit them; eventually you learn to manage those feelings. And then I had a bit of an Aha Moment(tm), I realized that if I feel like I am about to fall off a cliff, then perhaps the boundaries are not clear enough. And that, that is something I can work with. Pushing limits can be fun, and I am big on fluid communication and boundary creation, but having clearly defined limits creates a lot of freedom; helpful when you’re new to the game.