Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Some thoughts on service

I promise your normally scheduled, politically motivated posts will return shortly and there will be respite from the inner workings of my brain on sex.  In the mean time, I have been trying to put together some thoughts on service as BDSM all day, and really longer than that, to no avail.  I got a lot of chores done while thinking about having someone else do chores for me.  I went back and forth with a well meaning friend who tried to set me up with a friend of his for a cleaning in exchange for sex barter, which really isn’t my thing well meaning though it is.  All in all, I have concluded that if I didn’t get off on the idea quite so much I would have paid a nice lady to come by and scrub my floor every couple of weeks and been done with it by now.

So what makes dishes hot?  Control helps, as does the idea of expanding the realm in which I can have control.  I think there is also something to be said for perverting the mundane – it’s why I always feel more kinky when I’m playing in jeans and a tank top than when I’m all dressed up in leather.  People expect you to take control when you’re dressed the part, if you look sweet as pie you can take them by surprise.

The idea of service play is also a little hard to wrap my head around in large part because I have heard a lot of negative sentiment about service tops, and young female service tops in specific.  There is also the question of what motivates service, which Axe poses nicely in his crisis of faith post here (the comments are really helpful on that one btw).  Interesting to me because it’s nice to know I’m not the only one thinking about motivation.  And I do think it comes down to motivation for me: I am motivated by finding another arena of control, infusing the mundane with sexual, and more importantly power-play meaning, and trying something that is new to me.  Because really, if I just wanted my house cleaned I would have called a service, or to be less facetious, the fun part of me is the power play.

Much as I’m interested in service, it doesn’t work as a stand alone come over, clean, leave sport.  The key for me seems to be re-contextualize service as a scene and plant it firmly in an existing dynamic, or as Thumper describes it using service to highlight and cement an existing dynamic.  I should note also, that this goes well beyond cleaning and household chores: my last partner won my heart when he picked me up after a 13 hour workday and gave me a massage…oh, and he brought my favorite beer.  It’s not just the kind gesture or the willingness to do the work so I don’t have to, it’s attention to detail, and once again, intention.  I tend to be maniacal about detail at the best of time, and always pleasantly surprised when a partner catches something I didn’t include in explicit instructions, but you don’t need BDSM to be nice to eachother, and I guess that’s where intention comes in.

Written by kinkinexile

October 6, 2011 at 6:03 am

Posted in headspace, topping

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