Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Sunday again?

Ok, so I got to Sunday again, and stared at my computer thinking “ok, round up time, I should post something,” but I was actually not feeling it at all.  I had a fantastic weekend, but Sunday was just kind of off all day.  I woke up too early and slightly hung over, and proceeded to not be on the same page with the people around me for most of the day.

Instead of reading articles about kink, I took a re-read of Using the 3T’s  which is the last of a three part series about defining relationships based on Time, Touch and Talk rather than as “friend” “boyfriend” etc.  To my understanding, Time is the time you spend together (like Friday night, or till death), Touch is expressing emotions (this one I had to reread to realize I wasn’t thinking about it the way it was positioned), and Talk seems to be about defining expectations and parameters, aka Trust.

Not how I usually think of things, but I am trying to understand how one of my Relationships can *give* me everything I want from it but not make me *feel* like I am getting what I need.  I actually wrote out an entire post about how the relationship in question is dealing with the 3Ts but in waiting for my partner to respond to “is it ok to process out-loud,” I decided that I didn’t actually want to do that at all…so instead I am reading kinky things tonight in an effort to bring you a belated roundup of awesome…

First on my reading list for tonight came maymay’s solidarity piece/fan response “You have a magic other’s don’t.  Use it.”  The more I have the kind of sex I want, the more I realize how rare it is to find, and the more that difficulty, for myself and others, breaks my heart.  Or as maymay put it “…it’s not because I don’t count my blessings. It’s because I do.”  If today’s additions to my Tumblr are any indication, it’s a mopey kinda day…

Turning my attention to another piece I missed while focused inward, I read Dishevelled Domina’s take on the dominant woman to submissive man ratio. (Hint: it’s not 1:20!)

I also wanted to welcome Peroxide to the kink blogger mix!  He wrote the article Kinky Two Shoes I pointed to a little while back about christian kinky dating, and seems to have started his own blog over at; I expect great things.

It also looks like I have a lot of catching up to do on Ferns‘ writing: from a before and after take on a submissive man’s dating site profile (nicely done!) to a couple of sexy snippets that hit oh so close to home…

And then I get to play with you, that wide-eyed boy, with gentleness and hints of hurt that now make you a little scared, that hit you hard because you think it is done now, because you are already sore and think you maybe can’t take any more: it makes me both protective and predatory.

…to  some thoughts on the email dynamic between dominant women and submissive men.

I also caught up on the comments to maymay’s On Being Bondage Furniture; a post that made me, and from the sound of it more than one other person, cry.  Heartbreaking, but read it anyway…no really, if you’re unsure why submissive men struggle, please go read that.

And now my wrist is letting me know that I have not been good about ergonomics of late so I should stop typing, get myself an ice pack, and think about bed, but first the seed of a question: what resources exist for orgasm control tops?  Any good bloggers on the subject or advice that actually goes beyond a thousand and one ways to get off without involving a penis?

Written by kinkinexile

December 19, 2011 at 10:35 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Sarah Jameson at The Make Chastity Blog ( has some amazing advice and perspective, if you can sift through the self-promotion for her book and other paid offerings. But the newsletters have delicious ideas, and her readers have left breadcrumbs of links to other resources as well.

    Galiana Chance

    December 19, 2011 at 10:59 pm

  2. Ooh, Thanks for the welcome, I’ll try not to disappoint.


    December 21, 2011 at 11:36 pm

  3. “It also looks like I have a lot of catching up to do on Ferns‘ writing: from a before and after take on a submissive man’s dating site profile (nicely done!) to a couple of sexy snippets that hit oh so close to home…”

    Yay!! I’m beyond glad that you wanted to catch up over there!

    And yes, the ‘before and after’ makeover… phew!



    December 26, 2011 at 6:35 pm

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