Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Asking the hive mind…

First off, yay I found a chastity blog from the keyholder’s perspective.  W00ten.

Second, I have questions, and since every time I talk about chastity, orgasm control, begging and all sorts of torments that involve, well “maybe” a) traffic spikes and b) you all pipe up I figured I’d ask them here…

1) What kind of support system do you have in place around your orgasm control play (or would want to have in place)?  By this I mean, what happens when you’re, say, horny and, for any reason, grumpy about it?  How do you handle feeling disconnected from your partner?  What happens if you think it’s unfair that she gets an orgasm and you don’t?  What is the immediate next step?  What happens after that?

2) Orgasms are nice and all but they also rock the brain chemistry.  One of the reasons I like it when my partner has orgasms is because I like the happy sleepy space that happens when your brain takes all the dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin around and dumps it in your system.  You have, in post-coital bliss, the building blocks of bonding on a neurological level, so I am wondering what happens to your brain, and consequently your relationship, if you are not regularly experiencing a heightened production of these chemicals around your partner.  Does this question make sense?  Why is no one else talking about it?  Lots of people talk about how depression and/or anti-depressants may impede intimacy because of altered production of these “love” hormones, aren’t inability to orgasm due to prozac and inability to orgasm due to CB6000 similar enough problems from your brain’s perspective to be worth some concern?

Written by kinkinexile

January 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Posted in Orgasm Control

5 Responses

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  1. You might be surprised to learn that minimizing orgasms for males actually helps maintain dopamine and oxytocin levels since the orgasmic surge of prolactin is minimized. Recommend reading this blog entry which explains it in detail:



    January 4, 2012 at 11:11 am

  2. Ooh, cool, thanks Kelmag, and yay Masters and Johnson.


    January 4, 2012 at 7:25 pm

  3. I don’t often get into that grumpy place. When I do, just spending time together helps. Like any other problem, talking about it can be productive as well. This is where reinforcement can be beneficial too; if she lets me know how much she enjoys controlling (or outright denying) my orgasms, that can help. I need to know that it’s appreciated.

    Also, an intense scene can give me a jolt of various hormones (even if they’re not the same ones released during orgasm) and knock me into a good headspace.

    I can’t really say much on the second part though, as I’ve never really experienced problems from that. I do get to orgasm sometimes, and she’s always a part of that initial orgasm after a period of chastity. The last orgasm she let me have was after over three months without orgasm, our longest ever. It was an incredibly long and intense orgasm, and it was an experience we shared. So it still happens, just at less regular intervals. And that anticipation of not knowing if today is the day helps keep the excitement there.


    January 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm

  4. You may want to read:

    Becoming a Mistress
    A Blog for the Average Woman by Mistress Ivey


    January 6, 2012 at 11:13 pm

  5. […] seem to the recurrent themes on my highest rated posts, a phenomenon others have observed as well. So, ya know, I’m just checking.  Orgasm control, orgasm […]

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