Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Orgasm Control Through Trial and Error: in light of bad advice

So as I’m making my way across the blogosphere looking for resources aimed specifically for dominant women who want to do this with their partner I am coming up with more and more laughable advice.  I figured I’d deconstruct some of it here while I wait and see if anyone will kindly point me toward better advice…

First some gems I’m steeling from an advice board maymay quotes here

It [chastity device] doesn’t come off except for showering and she stands there and watches me so I can’t jack off (Every guy is going to jack off at work if you take it off for them to go there). 
Ah yes, because supervising shower times is exactly what I’d like to do with my free time.  It’s right up there with supervising the daily scrubbing of the bathroom floor with a toothbrush.  Actually, I have both supervised a partner’s shower so as to ensure he wouldn’t masturbate (and cause what’s more awesome than a hot, naked, wet boy with a bee in his bonnet?) and another partner scrubbing my bathroom floor with his toothbrush while wearing a rubber hood.  Both of these activities are fun *as special occasion indulgences* however, if the tasks I assign (including “don’t have an orgasm”) add daily chores to my day they will become really old really fast.

If I had a nocturnal or other unauthorized ejaculation, my cock and balls are punished pretty intenseley. (sic)
Here again, perhaps it works for the couple in question but it will not work for me.  I believe strongly in encourage desirable behavior and ignore undesirable behavior.  Humans are large mammals so it stands to reason that large mammal training would work.  In any case, CBT (cock and ball torture, not cognitive behavioral therapy) is hot.  It’s a treat, not a punishment.  Oh, and see also Ms Rika’s take on treats and rewards when thinking about reinforcement of behavior.

And of course, orgasm control urban legendWhen we started our journey with the male chastity we read about the man who was kept in chastity 24/7, 365 days by his wife. She allowed him to come only once a year, on his birthday. She believed that only women deserved such as pleasure as orgasm is. I have to admit that I have been wondering for years if it could be true or it was just a slave’s fantasy.

I suspect there are plenty of people who have gone a year without orgasm, maybe religious people, or people who have gone through sexual trauma, even perfectly simple people who just aren’t that into sex.  However, I feel like we have all heard about the guy who could only come on his birthday, or his anniversary, or maybe it was Christmas…I gotta ask, after 364 days, do you even think about orgasms anymore?  Do you go 364 straight days without needing to go through a metal detector?  Does something like this not sound problematic in physical terms or in its impact on brain chemistry?

Written by kinkinexile

March 22, 2012 at 9:57 pm

2 Responses

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  1. I’m having a good time watching you learn about this stuff because your own reactions seem to confirm many of the thoughts that I had back when I first ran across it. And since I consider myself to be sane, intelligent, and rational, then naturally I like what you’re writing 🙂

    As to the “once a year” (or pick some number) concept, well, it’s complicated. I’ve gone for fairly long periods, and it’s not what you might think. Once, it was almost 9 months, but the last few months we were in the middle of some marital discord, so I wasn’t much in the mood anyway. Another time was almost 5 months (and the device never came off), but things were awesome between us, and it was more difficult on one level, but because we were constantly being intimate and having a lot of sex (I wore a strapon), it was more fun, and therefore, more bearable. And over the years, we’ve had several other long periods; but the secret seems to be that it’s more bearable/fun when both parties are interested and intimate. At least, that’s how it works for us.

    Tom Allen

    March 23, 2012 at 5:57 am

  2. Thanks for the link to Ms Rika’s article, I feel so validated now 🙂 I’ve never really liked the ‘earned reward’ model of chastity, it just doesn’t sound like it puts me in control.


    March 31, 2012 at 2:17 pm

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