Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Authority real and imagined

I just summed up a long drawn out personal thought process I’ve been having around orgasm control as:

Thinking about appropriateness of power/authority in #chastityplay–If the authority I have doesn’t play well with real world it’s not real.

Drawing that out beyond 140 characters I’ve sort of been thinking through this ongoing theme of Wholefoods Interrupted My Scene which, as you may recall, is my and my partner’s way of saying “we were doing this totally fantasy based chastity scene but it turns out that being rock hard for a week doesn’t work if you still wanna eat!”

The thing I’m struggling with is how hard to push or how much of my partner’s push-back should I accept.  My goal is to find my partner’s edge…and then go just a hair beyond that.  That’s the place that feels most genuin to me both in finding my own control and in living in the real world and with my partner’s real body and lifestyle.  The hard part, of course, is that I don’t live in my partner’s body.  I sorta guesstimate – I know when I’m seeing you next, and I know I could probably not have an orgasm until then if I had to but I’d be grumpy as fuck, but you like that so maybe you can do it and also not be grumpy.  Sounds plausible…right?

And then I get push-back, which, I have to admit, is actually kind of nice because it tells me that the thing I’m asking for is challenging which kinda makes it more awesome, but then I have to deal with it.  So there’s that.

There’s also the fact that the things I would expect from a full-time (live-in or live near) relationship are different than what I expect from a partner who is often or always traveling.  I would feel more comfortable pushing a partner I lived with because the barriers to communication are lower and my experience of their body is a little more nuanced.

So there’s this: how do I get enough information about my partner’s body and brainspace to make informed decisions about when I do or don’t want him to have an orgasm or when it is or is not appropriate for that to be my choice?  Because, really, I can have all the fantasies I want – we both can – but if the authority I assume doesn’t stand up to our reality, then it simply isn’t real.

Written by kinkinexile

September 1, 2012 at 9:18 pm

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