Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Orgasm control the 101 (and maybe the 201)

Recently, I went to a class on orgasm control that was…ok.  It was actually a really good intro to anal play and prostate play but as a class on orgasm control it fell flat.  It was sort of designed to be sexy and experiential but how much orgasm control can you experientially show in two hours?  And is it worth leaving out a lot of really important communication and sexual response info to make the class more pornographic?

So, if I got to go to my dream orgasm control class, here’s what it would include:

The intro

  • What is Orgasm Control
  • What is Chastity?
  • Are they the same?  Why or why not? Is Tease and Denial the same as either of the things above?
  • And you say this is fun…?

The Background and brain stuff

  • The Masters and Johnson sexual response cycle
  • Your brain on lust… serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine…what you’re playing with when you’re playing with a very horny human
  • Side effects of prolonged abstinence
  • Outside factors and your sexual response cycle (SSRIs, stress, the Coolidge effect, whatever)

The human and communication stuff

  • What do you get out of orgasm control play?  Are your goals aligned?
  • Saying yes, no, and maybe…what do you need to feel like empowered to take control?  How do you get there?
  • Guilt? It’s really ok to say no.  It’s also ok to say yes. It’s also really normal to feel unsure saying either of those things – and now what?
  • “I need to come” (read: you getting to decided if I get to come is soooo hot I really want to ask and then maybe you’ll let me but if you don’t OMG hot.) vs. “I need to come” (read: this isn’t fun anymore, I can’t work, and I’m starting to not like you.) Also known as mind reading 101
  • Checking in without breaking the power dynamic, or building flexible and sustainable power dynamics (duh).

The details

  • Chastity devices and how they work
  • Health and hygiene
  • Chastity games – specifics and springboards
  • If I don’t want to say no? Games of chance and 3rd party solutions
  • Ruined orgasms, abandoned orgasms, forced orgasms – see and this is why we need the sexual response cycle chart
  • More resources

So, anyone – not me – wanna teach this?  I would totally attend and take copious notes 🙂

Written by kinkinexile

September 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Posted in advice, Orgasm Control

2 Responses

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  1. […] in the swing of things « Kink in exile6 Ways to Being an Awesome Dominant ~ GetLusty for CouplesOrgasm control the 101 (and maybe the 201) « Kink in exileRituals and symbolic gestures – Domination, Submission, and Love in Life & […]

    • Well damn! I kept reading hoping you’d answer the questions presented in your lovely syllabus. I guess I’ve got some research to do. But at least now I have a starting point for understanding my desires and their effects. I’m really interested in the brain stuff, do you have any recommended readings there?


      October 14, 2013 at 8:48 am

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