Exhausted and shameless
I’m in California but there’s no denying jetlag, my body is firmly planted on Eastern time. I’m groggy and disoriented, still. I’ve given up readjusting since I’m just going to fly again in a week. And regardless of either timezone, I’m still working. It’s just after 8pm, so actually, I’m taking a break.
Also, I have a crush. Because limerence is a sort of insanity, I am partially alarmed and partially delighted. Alarmed because I continuously have logistically improbable crushes and because, well, limerence is insanity. Delighted because crushes feel good.
Anyway, the shameless part…I was fooling around with, um, a new friend, over the holiday and at somepoint he asked for an orgasm. Now, I really like begging so I said no. And then I said no a couple more times until at one point I sort of realized that I was doing so with absolutely no compunction. At this point I decided that I was maybe lacking in that internalized guilt which other people use to mediate their scenes and called a time-out for “wait, have I crossed the hot mean to bad person mean line?” Someday I’m going to wreak havoc on some unsuspecting boy, in the mean time I’m gonna consider this inconvenient crush, make myself another strawberry peppercorn soda, and get back to work.