Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Because I feel like this bears saying

Be kind.  Be kind to yourselves and to each other because there are plenty of people who will be unkind.  Spend that extra afternoon with a friend who has had a hard year.  Listen.  Listen past people’s anger and find the root of their pain and then find compassion for that.  Or if their anger upsets you, walk away.  Know that their anger isn’t about you, it lives entirely within them as your anger lives within you.

Most of all, have compassion for yourself and know that there will be better days.

And if this hippie massive contributed to your feelings of depression, email me, I will make you cookies :-p

Written by kinkinexile

November 21, 2013 at 6:43 pm

5 Responses

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  1. […] Because I feel like this bears saying | Kink in exile. […]

  2. Dear K.I.E.,
    Thank you for this Awesome Post. Why do we forget to be kind? What has happened that has created folks to be reactive, angry and mean?
    Your Friend,
    Anastasia 😊


    November 22, 2013 at 12:11 pm

  3. Thia post was timely, welcome, and needed. Thank you.

    Sophia, NOT Loren!

    November 23, 2013 at 2:34 am

  4. Huh, and here I’d prepared cookie dough thinking I’d get all sorts of “you’re a dirty hippie” comments that need pacifying 🙂

    People are mean because they’re hurt. I can be a fucking bitch when I’m hurt. But C was channeling the best in me the other day when he reminded me “there’s a difference between being an asshole cause you’re an asshole, and being an asshole cause your brain is in a dark place.” I don’t typically let assholes be, but I can also have compassion for how they got there. It’s really an “are they in a place to hear me” thing.

    But really guys, you’re taking advice from a girl who turned to a crazy man on the street mumbling “nice rack” and told him “I bet your asshole is reeeeal pretty.” We all have our mean days, and there’s levels of asshole I will and will not have compassion for.

    While we’re on the subject of unrequested advice: it’s always helpful when the man you love channels the best of you and doesn’t notice the worst in you as much a you do. I think Gottman would refer to this as positive sentiment bias.


    November 23, 2013 at 10:06 am

    • Hey, I won’t turn down cookies if you really want to send some!

      But… yeah. This came in the aftermath of an ugly breakup, and reminded me 1. not to be as much of an asshole as I might have been otherwise, and 2. that even if she seemed like she was being a worse asshole, that her anger and behavior had… well, reasons, and the reminder to deal with that appropriately was (as I said) timely, welcome, and needed.

      But really guys, you’re taking advice from a girl who turned to a crazy man on the street mumbling “nice rack” and told him “I bet your asshole is reeeeal pretty.

      So… you’ve demonstrated that you grasp the concept you’re trying to convey: how to see past other people’s anger, and how to respond appropriately. If that was supposed to be “don’t listen to me, here’s why” then I think it backfired!

      And… you say “dirty hippie” like that’s somehow a bad thing… hmm. ~scratches head~

      Sophia, NOT Loren!

      November 29, 2013 at 8:47 am

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