Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

And then Spring sprang

I haven’t written in a really long time, I think because I’ve had a hard time untangling where to start and where to go from there.

I’m thinking about game theory and the underpinnings of trust and generosity. I’m slogging through Buy vs Rent math and realizing that in my indecision I am doing both the work of finding a condo and that of finding an apartment. I’m having a house warming for the house I’ll be moving out of shortly…because if life has taught me one thing it’s that everything is sufficiently unpredictable that the perfect time will not come.

But I had some thoughts on trust, which are that building trust is fundamentally about taking a risk and waiting. On the company or community scale it’s about giving users something of value and not asking for a lot back right away, and on a company scale that’s just dandy. But on an individual scale it gets hard, in order to trust you have to get some goodies, have a nice experience of that, have that be reliable in some fashion, and then, ok, you’ll trust the other person. But to be trusted you have to blindly give others goodies (stuff, snacks, time, attention, etc) ask for nothing back, and after a while they’ll trust you.

Somehow, despite sounding like opposite processes, people manage to trust and be trusted all the time. And often it just works. Magic. So I’ve been thinking about that, and about how to be open and giving without being a doormat and what the context for all this looks like.

And then spring sprang.

I walked out of my house one morning and it was in the 50s and sunny. And suddenly my entire experience of San Francisco made sense. I was happy. I trusted the universe and I believed, from the bottom of my heart, that people are good and that an app could change the world. I was in love with everything around me. Things started to click into place.  I stopped to ask myself, “why am I struggling?”

People talk about leaning in, or the wisdom of no escape, but what I really want to talk about is intentionality.  If I am doing something I want to do it fully, deeply, and honestly.  I don’t want to compromise.  I can embrace what the universe offers, and approach it with curiosity and openness, or I can go do something else entirely.  But I don’t get to stay and struggle.  I don’t get to “put up with” or “make do.” That’s not the life I’m going for and that’s not fair to the beautiful, amazing people who share this world with me.

Written by kinkinexile

March 23, 2014 at 8:43 pm

Posted in Beauty, headspace

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