Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Put it here?

Boston had a historic storm yesterday* and I got to practice my emergency preparedness.  How prepared am I?  Very.  I didn’t have to buy anything (I did end up buying icecream and steak, but had enough other food that this was entirely frivolous). We had enough flashlights, batteries, candles, blankets, medical supplies, water storage devices, food, and books to be snowed in with no power for several days before needing to do something about it. In short: this is a test, this is only a test.

But I forgot one thing – you need to put the snow somewhere.  In my head when you shovel it, it just…dissipates.  In reality, when you shovel it, you make big piles somewhere.  So when the neighborhood kid came to clear the drive with his father’s snow blower his first question, pointing at a nearby pile of snow, was “put it here?” What would we do without the neighborhood kid is unclear, but please be reminded that community networks are a high predictor of survival during an emergency.

In other life updates, I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my early 20s.  This is generous, I’ve been missing the wild wild west days of my early 20s and finding myself eerily envious of college co-ed in the local café.  This is perhaps entirely predictable as my real life is, well, in exactly the kind of settling down trajectory I imagined I wanted a couple of years ago.

I remember in the midst of a particularly challenging alternative poly arrangement talking to my metamour and saying something to the effect of “I don’t know! I think I just want, you know, the status quo.  Like I want a nice house with a big kitchen and dinner parties with other couples!”

Well, I have a very nice kitchen, I have had several dinner parties since moving in, and I have a partner whom my family seems to adore.  My grandmother called me to say that she and my mother liked how he looked at me.  I have had to sadly inform my buyer’s agent that this nice young man has put a wrench in my tiny condo for one plan and would she please send me 2 bedroom condo listings in my area.

All this to say the universe gave me what I asked for, and I am, predictably, freaking out.  In an effort to remind myself that I did not “miss” my early 20s but actually enjoyed them fully, I thought I’d make a list of highlights.  This is what I did with my early 20s:


·      Lived in Thailand for a year

·      Had two book chapters published

·      Moved to San Francisco with no job and no place to live

·      Went to grad school and spent three years having a loose schedule that allowed for spending my days in coffee shops

·      Organized an alternative sexuality unconference in a hacker space

·      Dated two people long distance and clocked more than two-dozen flights in one calendar year.

·      Dated two other people in a completely serious could have gotten married but was too young to know what hit me way.  (And learned a lot.)

·      Went to Morocco alone and had to hire a chaperone

·      Went to Israel, Spain, Italy, and France mostly alone and did not have to hire a chaperone

·      Learned how to rent an apartment.  Pro-tip: you need a check book

·      Had a handful of weird quirky jobs and then landed in my real life grownup career job


* Note: I wrote this post after a storm 2 weeks ago, but I guess we’re getting another one now so it’ll still be relevant, right? 🙂

Written by kinkinexile

February 8, 2015 at 8:00 pm

Posted in headspace, memories

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