Kink in exile

Notes from a kinky nomad

Archive for the ‘Blogroll’ Category

The internet, I’ve missed it

Or more accurately, the blogosphere…

First, I finally had time to sit down with Work Is Never Over a tumblr featuring images of sexually submissive men.  This blog is awesome, beautiful job of curation that uncovers images I haven’t already seen on the other relevant blogs, nice, though only semi-consistant tagging, gooood archive.  Maymay introduced me to this blog back in May and I should have paid more attention!

And before I go on a reblogging fest, I’d just like to highlight that I am seeing a trend emerge…in 2008 Male Submission Art was created in a response to the lack of quality (hot, sexy, representative, etc) images of sexually submissive men.  FuckYeahSlaveBoy showed up in 2010(ish?) Work Is Never Over had two posts in 2010 and then didn’t add anything until August of 2011.  2011 is also when I started keeping tumblrs and when I started noticing a conversation emerging about the treatment of sexually submissive men in the kink scene.  Beyond images, the end of 2011 and beginning of 2012 also welcomed a pair of new submissive identified male bloggers to the scene: Peroxide and MasculineSubmission.  Yes, this is a drop in the bucket, and yes this is a filtered crowd, but I’m curious, is anyone else seeing a trend emerge?

And btw, if you didn’t have ammunition a-plenty already, the lovely images from the tumblrs I mentioned, might make a nice comeback when your local playspace tries to tell you they’d replace the tired old pictures of slave girls on the wall if only there were good pictures of men!

And with that, it is very much dinner time, but I wanted to highlight just one more blog post: Galiana recently said some lovely things about service which I had to share because I so understand how hard it can be to receive service, and how sometimes having your bathroom scrubbed feels so much more taboo than beating your lover bloody.  This, exactly this, and good on you for working through it!


Written by kinkinexile

July 2, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Sunday again?

Ok, so I got to Sunday again, and stared at my computer thinking “ok, round up time, I should post something,” but I was actually not feeling it at all.  I had a fantastic weekend, but Sunday was just kind of off all day.  I woke up too early and slightly hung over, and proceeded to not be on the same page with the people around me for most of the day.

Instead of reading articles about kink, I took a re-read of Using the 3T’s  which is the last of a three part series about defining relationships based on Time, Touch and Talk rather than as “friend” “boyfriend” etc.  To my understanding, Time is the time you spend together (like Friday night, or till death), Touch is expressing emotions (this one I had to reread to realize I wasn’t thinking about it the way it was positioned), and Talk seems to be about defining expectations and parameters, aka Trust.

Not how I usually think of things, but I am trying to understand how one of my Relationships can *give* me everything I want from it but not make me *feel* like I am getting what I need.  I actually wrote out an entire post about how the relationship in question is dealing with the 3Ts but in waiting for my partner to respond to “is it ok to process out-loud,” I decided that I didn’t actually want to do that at all…so instead I am reading kinky things tonight in an effort to bring you a belated roundup of awesome…

First on my reading list for tonight came maymay’s solidarity piece/fan response “You have a magic other’s don’t.  Use it.”  The more I have the kind of sex I want, the more I realize how rare it is to find, and the more that difficulty, for myself and others, breaks my heart.  Or as maymay put it “…it’s not because I don’t count my blessings. It’s because I do.”  If today’s additions to my Tumblr are any indication, it’s a mopey kinda day…

Turning my attention to another piece I missed while focused inward, I read Dishevelled Domina’s take on the dominant woman to submissive man ratio. (Hint: it’s not 1:20!)

I also wanted to welcome Peroxide to the kink blogger mix!  He wrote the article Kinky Two Shoes I pointed to a little while back about christian kinky dating, and seems to have started his own blog over at; I expect great things.

It also looks like I have a lot of catching up to do on Ferns‘ writing: from a before and after take on a submissive man’s dating site profile (nicely done!) to a couple of sexy snippets that hit oh so close to home…

And then I get to play with you, that wide-eyed boy, with gentleness and hints of hurt that now make you a little scared, that hit you hard because you think it is done now, because you are already sore and think you maybe can’t take any more: it makes me both protective and predatory.

…to  some thoughts on the email dynamic between dominant women and submissive men.

I also caught up on the comments to maymay’s On Being Bondage Furniture; a post that made me, and from the sound of it more than one other person, cry.  Heartbreaking, but read it anyway…no really, if you’re unsure why submissive men struggle, please go read that.

And now my wrist is letting me know that I have not been good about ergonomics of late so I should stop typing, get myself an ice pack, and think about bed, but first the seed of a question: what resources exist for orgasm control tops?  Any good bloggers on the subject or advice that actually goes beyond a thousand and one ways to get off without involving a penis?

Written by kinkinexile

December 19, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Oh hey look, Sunday

Morning world.

So I’ve gotten in the habit of weekend roundups, and hey look, it’s Sunday again.

Last night I dissected a shark! Even dead and smelling of formaldehyde it gave me a strange lizard brain reaction.  Putting my gloved fingers near its mouth made me tense, and I couldn’t stay focused on the eyes.  My friends rock, and I haven’t done a dissection since high school.  We also had a frog, a cat, and several owl pallets.

The aforementioned science happened at a party which I attended with several friends including The Major.  Too many lovely people were observed in their geeky best to mention, but my favorites were Neal whose stance on “Occupy Langton” came across with a quiet, monotone instance I did not previously realize was possible, the lovely Alvin who is not only a far better dancer than I, but also manages to be a hell of a good lead in 3 inch heels.  The Umlaut was perhaps most commented on, though my favorites were the many instances of Mario Brothers bopping around the 3D climbing structure and the unabashed princess with a full beard and magic wand.  (Ok, you have to love a man who wears a princess costume without a trace of self-deprecating irony.)

Today I’m waking up to coffee and waffles at the home of someone I haven’t seen in far too long, and slowly catching up on the internet.  I’m delighted that Submissive Secrets has been updated with some very provocative images, including this one about after care.  Whoever you are, hell to the yes! A) aftercare isn’t weakness it is what we as humans need to transition from extreme situations to normal waking life reality and reaffirm our mental models b) I tend to enjoy/need aftercare as a top to reassure myself that my partner is unharmed and also still happy with all the mean shit I just pulled and c) who doesn’t love a good cuddle?

And thinking of a good cuddle, this image pulled from Male Submission Art on Dec 22nd is freaking hot.  Something about the vulnerability and sweetness makes me think about that moment when you watch your partner slip into head space…yeah, just yum.

Also, not sure if I mentioned the Good Men Project’s article on the Maccabeats on this blog yet, but it’s got me thinking about expressions of masculinity and plus I love the Maccabeats so there you have it.  Oh, and while I’m thinking about it, thank you to the friend who shared with me that Maymay’s blog helped him re-think masculinity and attractiveness, yay for diverse representations of hot men, and if you haven’t emailed maymay directly you should!

Oh, and a couple of people have dropped me notes in private either about specific posts or about kink in general.  I’ve replied to none of these, and I’m sorry.  Work, life, the world has been hectic.  The best way to grab my attention is to grab me for coffee, but barring that, email me again now that my brain is less full.

Written by kinkinexile

October 30, 2011 at 11:54 am

Bearing witness

As promised, I would like to compile a list of people and posts currently speaking to the inclusion and celebration of sexually submissive men. Please note that this list is incomplete by its very nature so if you’ve made a post or read a post that you find relevant please comment with a link. Posts are in no particular order and are minimally curated. While I would love to provide a fully curated annotated bibliography of work that speaks to the virtues of sexually submissive men, I am limited in resources and time. As always, see a good research librarian or sex educator with further questions. Maymay is one of the first sex bloggers I’ve read and a full time sexual freedom and anti-censorship activist. I don’t know if he single handedly started the revolution but he is a major contributor.

Male Submission Art Another site curated by Maymay and dedicated to the visual depiction of submissive men.

The devaluation of male submission by Delving into Deviance seems like one of the first posts on the subject by a dominant woman in the recent flurry of activity.

The Cost of Devaluing Male Submission: One Token from Lab Coats and Lingerie a deep dive into the impact of marginalizing male submission on dominant women, with a comment discussion as heated as the post itself. Also check out One of the Nineteen by the same blogger team.

Subtle Worship a blog of male submission imagery, poetry, and other information currated by Chaos

In Celebration of the Male Submissive a beautifully written and inspiring piece by Galiana Chance, a nice place to pause and find the beauty in the pain if the previous links were making you cry.

The Value of a Male Submissive by Kitty Stryker is a response to Maymay, mentioned above, and speaks both to the specific and the general vis-a-vis the worth and value of submissive men.  Less of an academic piece, but a very heartfelt account.

Index and Overview of the Subguys’ Interviews. is a collection of interviews conducted by DishevelledDomina with submissive men.  Link contains brief description of each interview subject and researcher’s interest in the subject along with subsequent interview links.

Devoted and Devalued a post by John, a self-described submissive man, which is a voice I’ve found strangely missing from this dialogue.
Thank you Maymay for your help with gathering and editing this content!

Written by kinkinexile

September 3, 2011 at 1:56 am

Posted in blogging, Blogroll, memories