Yep, I’m definitly not a real domme :)
Ferns posted a short note recently about her expectations of submissive partners. I have to say, my response surprised me. Logically, I could reason my way into “sure, yes, they want to submit, maybe they should do things you ask for even when they don’t want to.” Hell, I have to assume that sometimes, when a boy who is comfortably sleeping wakes up to my bouncing and makes me coffee, or when my now ex partner waited some 50 odd days for an orgasm in part due to my insistence, at some points that is what someone acting against their wishes looks like.
My gut response though, is a resounding WTF? You are playing with an adult presumably in a country with laws similar to our 13th Amendment. Your play happens in the real world. Anything short of respecting your partner’s boundaries is coercion at best. If you have an issue around trust that’s resulting from your partner breaking commitments, you have an issue around trust. That’s totally valid, I’ve had that issue, it sucks. But it’s not a BDSM issue. Hell, I was going to have less interest in other people’s relationships, so I should walk away.
Personally, I’ve said before and I’ll say again, I’m not your mother. I’m not here to Domme you into your fitness routine or getting to work on time. The power dynamic I bring to my sex is a core part of what I need in my sex life and in my long term relationships, but ultimately, I want to date, and sleep with, an adult. And I’d like to do it in the real world and save the LARPing for the future dystopian swamp lands it belongs in.