Dear weekend…
…you have been far too exhausting to re-visit. Instead, I’ll distract myself with other people’s lives.
First, google “Yeshiva University sex story” and you find a ton of articles about how a mild story of pre-marital sex is, at least according to some sources, “tearing Yeshiva University apart.” When I first read the responses to the story I expected something raunchy and status-quo breaking. When I actually read the story, well, it was a story of a young orthodox woman who had sex with someone outside of the confines of religious conviction and is now riddled with shame and regret. This story did not make me think about sexualizing Jewish women as some of members of Stern’s student body may have you believe, it made me sad for every Jewish woman who is taught to find sex shameful, and angry at a culture that created this girl only to punish her.
I am proud of the Beacon (YU’s student paper) for choosing to take a $500/semester funding cut rather than cut the story, and I encourage those of you who can to make a small donation, which you can do on their website.
For those of you who may not know, I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish community, and while I consider myself a secular/cultural Jew and an atheist at present, I am proud of my heritage and deeply saddened when my community doesn’t stand by its own values of Tikkun Olam.
From religious misery to technological misery, I thought this piece on Facebook was interesting.
Disheveled Domina added two new posts since I last visited, another submissive man interview and a fascinating guest post about, well, kinky dating for christian singles. Thus far I’ve only skimmed these so more thoughts later, but we already know this my to-read list as often as it is my have-read list.
Stabbity at Not Just Bitchy offers some advice to submissive men looking to meet partners that starts with stop fucking whining. Yeah, kinda. Also, stop talking to my play partner to ask if I’d play with you (that conversation needs to happen with me), and stop treating me like a commodity that you are waiting for your turn with.
Finally, I wanted to give a shout out to Ferns for a beautifully written piece on starting the day. The domestic simple moments are always the sweetest for me.
Kink in exile 
“stop talking to my play partner to ask if I’d play with you (that conversation needs to happen with me)”
It makes me sad that even needs to be said. I wish you were exaggerating.
“stop treating me like a commodity that you are waiting for your turn with”
That’s the core of my frustration in a single sentence. When people talk like they’re owed a chance with me, I feel like a commodity. I’m also frustrated by the idea that they don’t have to do anything to earn my attention, I should just hand it out without getting anything in return. Wait, that’s also treating me like a commodity. Swingsets don’t have any feelings about who plays on them, or want anything in return, so why would I want more?
And I freely admit telling people to ‘stop fucking whining’ isn’t helpful to people who are already doing that. I’m primarily venting to make myself feel better, and hoping that maybe I’m reaching people who aren’t yet at the point of whining about how the women they treat like commodities don’t seem to like it.
Stabbity
December 11, 2011 at 1:46 pm
This is gendered and the core of the problem is sexism; “you’ve got 99 problems. They are all misogyny.” Dominant men seem to expect submissive women to make themselves attractive so that they will want to be played with (pursuer-pursued dichotomy is also gendered), whereas dominantly-perceived women are treated like “commodities that [submissive men] are waiting for [their] turn with,” because, oh yeah, they’re still women.
I think that’s at least part of why I get talked to by other submissive(-ish) men when what they really want to do is hit on my (female-identified) dominant play partner, but why I, as a submissive man myself, get ignored by dominant- and male-identified people and instead they make a bee-line to my “girlfriend” and starting hitting on her.
Blech. Sexism sucks for everyone.
maymay
December 12, 2011 at 2:55 am
Yes, and yes! Gah, I’d say more but it feels like preaching to the choir.
kinkinexile
December 12, 2011 at 1:15 pm
[…] found this interesting. It problematizes the idea that “sexism=misogyny.” Can one go so far as to say, “It queers sexism?” That, even here, there is more diversity […]
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May 20, 2013 at 6:47 am